ANNEX 1 : ‘SURVEY’ CASE STUDIES

p1.1

Statement by Brian A

August 1995

I am 40 years old. Up until May 1994 I had been with my now-estranged wife for 15 years. We have two young children. In my mind I had a successful marriage and a happy family life. In May 1994 my wife shocked me with the news that she had been having an affair with another man for two years. In June she left me, taking our two children, to live with this man. Initially she seemed content with this situation and I even got to spend a lot of time with the children. A few months later the situation changed. She and her boyfriend had decided to buy a bigger house and he had insisted that she contribute to the deposit. She wanted our/my home to be sold. Although she continued to see this man regularly, she made an obvious move to strengthen her claim on our house by moving into a two-bedroom flat with just the children. Having previously been seeing my children every day, she now cut my contact to every other weekend. I put in a Residence and Contact Order. I was poorly represented by my Solicitor and my wife used every delaying tactic. Consequently, by the time the Welfare Officer became involved, the children’s routine had clearly been established and it was deemed to be in the children’s "best interests" that this routine should not be disrupted. My wife got residence of the children and I now have limited contact.

In my opinion she lied throughout the Welfare Officer’s visits/report. At this stage she had already, selfishly, disrupted the children’s routine, by first leaving the family home, and then moving again. I firmly believe that her intention is to eventually move back in with her boyfriend when the financial side of the divorce has been resolved.

In addition, my wife has now made a cross petition against me alleging "unreasonable behaviour".

I feel very angry that, through no fault of my own, I have lost my family, my confidence and possibly my home, and am now having my good name and reputation brought into question, and yet she is deemed not to have broken any law.

p1.2

It just seemed so unfair that my ex could walk out just because she couldn’t be bothered to make the effort, knowing she could take all the capital and income she wanted. Unfair that there is no effective defence against allegations of "unreasonable behaviour".

Unfair that she could take 40% of our assets when she had put nothing in and made no financial contribution whatsoever.

Unfair that I should lose £40k, £8k maintenance per annum, and all contact with my children except by using all my holiday to spend with them, that I have to drive 600 miles each time I see them, that I am punished like a serious criminal, when I have done nothing wrong.

p1.3

Looking back I see that the divorce, after 10 years of marriage, was inevitable; I don’t regret that, especially when compared with my present very happy and successful marriage. When I divorced and moved from Somerset to Norfolk, my ex-wife tried hard to install her new partner as the children’s "real father"; in spite of that they continued to have a very warm and genuine relationship with me, sustained by staying in contact. Their anxieties over the conflict between their mother and myself about establishing contact, were ruthlessly exploited by her, drawing in professionals such as Child Guidance Service not to help the children so much as to be professional witnesses to the children’s anxiety, which was plainly her anxiety. The partner left, she had a nervous breakdown, the children and her were taken in by her parents and all conspired to prevent their having any contact with me because the prospect distressed them. I regard this as a terrible and continuing betrayal of the girls’ chance to grow up normally. As you can see from the enclosed statement and the last Court Order, I am now banned from any contact with them. No-one has said or implied any fault on my part: this is all because the children have refused contact, the Judge had his hands tied by the Children’s Act into backing what they had expressed, and no-one had the power to overrule my ex-wife’s arguments and take positive action to help the children.

p1.4

Years before our marriage broke down, my ex-wife became very unhappy with just about everything – I have always worked hard to build up a family home and to have something for the future. About 20 years ago "she started going to counsellors and therapists (even before we married). She eventually (how do you put it) came to terms with the fact that "she" was sexually abused as a child at her home in Ireland, – by her father, uncles and brothers. All the therapy was paid for by me, at one stage "she" was going to five sessions a week at £22 per session: that’s £110 per week – FOR YEARS. Over the years I would say it cost about 15 to 20 thousand pounds. I didn’t mind in the least because I did think she – or we – will come out of this all right in the end. But I was wrong. As time went by "she" got worse; she broke, smashed windows; house; my car, van; beat children. I called Social Services and they did nothing. I called the police and I had blood all over my face where she had punched me. The policeman said "You haven’t paid the gas bill, Mr F."

PS: I can see now. Pity I had to work so much!

p1.5

(1) To have one’s child "taken away" in this country is unbelievable – by State connivance; proves Society has broken down and is ungovernable.

Had I have been (1) responsible and caused it, I could have believed it was a system of family law designed to dissuade the man from breaking up a family.

I am incensed, not only because I obeyed all the rules, but it was not the contract I signed up to. Had this only involved two adults, then so what! But imposing it on innocent children is evil.

(2) A look at the costs of defending/resisting might suggest it is a waste of money. (In my case it would have cost far more in human and financial terms consenting to all demands!)

Latterly, all the hard-fought Court Orders stating "full and final settlement" irrefutably have become worthless. The CSA powers are far higher – "the power of Parliament" because although my former wife was fully paid up and remarried, housed (an absent mother who has never paid a penny to support her daughter I care for); she then claimed "Income Support" which immediately sends the CSA to squeeze the blood from the victim!

[Whilst I support all FNF aims and efforts, I feel the best help would be to prevent more victims being created. National advertising/attention-grabbing controversial headlines (warning innocent fathers or fatherhood being considered) should be warned of the realities awaiting them.]

p2.1

When I married my "wife" I did not realise she was already married with children, she was a bigamist. When I told the Judge (a woman that looks like she’s old enough to have recently taken A’ levels), I was "devastated", I was disbelieved. My wife made my life so unbearable that I would go back to work after tea (8 pm-ish) until 11 pm or so. I would do gardening and anything to get out of earshot. At weekends the children and I would go out driving or on picnics while she stayed at home. We stayed at home if she went out. Annual holidays were a misery. Wife seemed to change soon after birth of children. (But even before children, she had tried to set fire to bed I was sleeping in. Soon after awoke in bed to see her about to plunge scissors into my neck.) She made children cry, threw or destroyed their toys and games. If she felt miserable or fed up she would pick an argument and feel much brighter after she’d wound you up. I didn’t realise just how violent she was to the children for a long time. Children and I talked about leaving and they encouraged me, so one day I packed bags and went to live at my parents. I returned alone to tell her we had left for our own safety. When she arrived and I told her, she went berserk and held me at knife point for two hours, threatening to kill me and then herself. This was a Friday in October 1988. She pretended to commit suicide over the weekend and on Monday I was in Court (as planned beforehand) to make children wards of Court. She petitioned on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I didn’t defend as there was no legal marriage. However, this did not stop her seeking to get money out of me by maintenance, providing a house of equal size to the family home (five bedrooms), lump sum payment, choice of any new car up to £30,000, making out she had built up this business. I did not regain use/occupation of my house until June 1990 by which time I had paid off all her debts (I had no option). I could have gone back to my house in October 1988 when wife in hospital (suicide) but told I could not legally keep her out but she could keep me out. After many Court appearances – not of my making – finally got judgement in 1993 in ancillary matters ordering me to pay £25,000 lump sum to secure her a deposit on a house to keep her in the style to which she was accustomed. I knew she was being maintained by another man and house to live in. This was treated as an irrelevance. My belief was that matrimonial laws applied to spouses (wives are not always spouses). I deplore partners and wives to be put on the same par as a spouse. Only option was to appeal on public policy that "you cannot benefit or profit from a crime". Case went to High Court, Court of Appeal and Lords. Case found in my favour. I have to pay her nothing. Costs awarded against her. Legal Aid now refuse to pay me. Wife arrested in June 1994 for murder of her partner.

p2.2

Although my wife admitted adultery; it quickly became clear that whoever was at fault made little difference in respect of the outcome of where my son would live. Unless he was the subject of physical abuse it seemed I had no chance of obtaining a Residence Order, only the perfunctory "weekend" arrangement.

Strangely, my wife had gone from living a very comfortable lifestyle with her own car, cheque book, holidays abroad, large farm; to a terraced property in a "downtrodden" area of Doncaster. She now has very little money, the man she left me for has now gone, and we have suffered tremendous financial and emotional damage as a family.

I was forced to re-mortgage my house to pay my wife off and I am struggling to sell the house in the economic climate, which I am forced to do.

I was also forced to "guarantee" my wife’s new mortgage because she does not have a job. She put down a substantial deposit with the money I paid her off with and pays her mortgage from income support.

We have collectively agreed to resist the requests from the CSA who are hounding my wife to be interviewed. Our current arrangement ensures that everything gets paid. Any ridiculous assessment from the CSA could be disastrous to us as a family. They say they may have to reduce benefit by £9 per week.

£9 to keep the CSA at bay? I think it’s worth it.

p2.3

My wife initially tried to use the children as weapons against me and tried to limit access while they were living with her. This was unsuccessful because they were too old. I had them over to my house every second weekend at that time and most of the school holidays. She soon found problems with them (two rebellious teenagers) and when she remarried they also clashed with her new husband. Both children came back to live with me, first one, then the other. Strangely, she broke off contact with them after they came back to me. I made many attempts to persuade her to see them but without success. The last attempt was made after my daughter attempted suicide in 1994 but she would not even be persuaded to visit her in hospital. After the divorce she inherited significant capital when her mother died but has never contributed to the children’s maintenance. I approached the CSA but they say they cannot handle my case at this time.

p2.4

My ex-wife left suddenly and without any warning after starting a secret affair while I was working away from home and we were planning to move to the south where I had recently got a job. As she got more involved with this man, living with him but pretending she wasn’t, she attempted to separate my children from me. She cut off all contact with me, contact between us and to arrange contact to/with children being arranged through Solicitors. She was obstructive and difficult. Solicitor’s letters and Solicitor’s threats of Court action generally brought her to heel. Her Solicitor was often not helpful. The single Court Order for access over a Christmas period was due, I believe, to her Solicitor mis-timing a reply. My application went in and I got an order arranged by consent. Telephone contact was difficult. I was limited to 15 minutes per call for both children. I have had telephone plugs pulled out, children told to stop, etc, etc.

I ring-fenced her by having excellent relations with children’s schools, and the local vicar. I received copies of all reports (school). I always took immediate action when I discovered she was up to something. She continually tested how far she could go (encouraged by her new husband). I have been threatened with having no contact at all via a Solicitor’s letter.

Things were difficult for my children in this new home. No interest was shown in them. We planned the time when we could live together. They were both to come July 1994 (D then 16; M, 12). Enormous stink. Threatened with an ex-parte application in Magistrates Court. Gave in and returned youngest (M), D stayed with me. I applied following day for Residence Order for M. Heard in County Court August. Reports (full) ordered. Final hearing 3 January 1995 and Residence Order for M: granted. It has been a very long road and very tiring. After initial costs I budgeted £1,200 pa for Solicitor’s fees. A man must have money to enforce his rights. She pays no maintenance to me (yet). The children decide when they wish to see their mother.

My ex-wife comes from a broken home. Her mother divorced three times, her stepfather three times. Her natural father and sister live in Canada. Split families are a normal part of life with her.

Unable to cope with her three-year-old daughter she sent her to live with her father.

After running up huge debts, credit cards in my name, rent and poll tax arrears, she became irrational whenever I tried to discuss it with her. The discussions ended violently with blows traded by both partners. I had to receive hospital treatment for a dislocated shoulder on one occasion.

After a heated argument, she fabricated an account of terrible violence and an injunction was served on me. I was forced to leave the home that I had spent thousands decorating and furnishing. Between the debts she’d run up in my bank account and maintenance payments, I was forced to live in a tiny 9 ft by 6 ft room (all I could afford).

She informed me that if I did anything to upset her should would make me and my children suffer. On one occasion she threatened to send a night club bouncer friend to "sort me out" unless I let her keep the furniture, etc.

Last year, I was given one week’s notice that she was moving four hundred miles away. I was told my children would be getting another daddy. I could see one son for two days a month and the other for 15 minutes a month. I was paying £70 rail fares and £80 maintenance which she didn’t declare. A month later the strain got too much, I lost my job and I’ve been receiving treatment for depression ever since.

p2.6

While problems arose early on in my first marriage when my first wife felt that I had caused her father’s death, the situation became stable for child rearing years.

In 1989 my first wife was found to have breast cancer. The radical surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy caused an unstable marriage to break up. Following adversarial proceedings in 1990, a new stability came into being in 1991, with the children spending two thirds of their time with the mother and one third of the time with me (their father). In 1992, my first wife was found to be terminally ill with cancer. She did all she could to stop my children living with me after she died. This included making allegations of abuse and putting such pressure on the eldest child that the child started Court proceedings for residence. While the child was only 11 at the time the Court allowed the application. The local authority joined the application for a Care Order. A Care Order was granted and following their mother’s death in 1993, the children were sent to live with strangers rather than their father and his new wife and family.

p2.7

On this "first marriage" my wife was encouraged to leave by a religious cult. She at first wanted to take my son with her, but a long series of out-of-Court battles/manoeuvres persuaded her to leave him with me. She applied to give me custody (before Children’s Act) but repeatedly threatened not to give me the child unless she could have (1) half of all capital in house; (2) house had to be sold to release money; (3) no maintenance payable by her for child’s upkeep. The child was one year old and she used her "natural" advantage with regard to custody, etc to get the settlement she wanted. Hence, although I have custody of the child, I was forced out of our home, lost £35,000 in capital and have never received any maintenance whatsoever for the child. Although I encouraged her to see him, allowing unrestricted access, she chose to break off all contact within six months.

However, I am extremely grateful to have my son with me.

I have subsequently been involved in another relationship and note the treatment when that ended (see next survey).

Divorce Petition: Apart from one fact everything else was either false entirely or a fantastic construction on the truth of events.

1. As soon as my wife had issued the petition, the marriage was over unless I could prove to the contrary.

2. The children should live with my wife who would dictate if and when I would see them.

3. Her financial demands were reasonable unless I could prove otherwise: nothing I could say or show, however, would ever do this.

4. She kept all household contents unless she wanted to let me have a few things.

5. She was blameless; I was totally at fault.

6. One indiscretion lasting less than five seconds is all; 11 years hard work and devotion is nothing.

Her Attitude: Winner takes all. She could say whatever she liked to the children about me; they were to report anything I said to them about her, and this then appeared (well dramatised) in a letter from her Solicitor. "Hell hath no fury like a woman".

Court Powers: None. Whether Judges like it or not they cannot stop a woman de facto divorcing a man, using the police to throw him out of his home at 2.00 am, stopping all contact between children and father. If the wife is sufficiently determined, there is nothing husband, Judge, friends or children (neither of whom wanted me to leave, and my son said he wanted to live with me) can do.

p2.9

My wife asked me to short tour from Belgium to return to somewhere near to her family in Newport, Gwent.

Eventually got a posting to Warminster which was agreeable to her. After birth of D she asked me to have a vasectomy before we had sex again. After vasectomy, she refused sex until leaving. Continued to spend more money than I earned so I had to take out loans and cash in my savings policies to attempt to clear all debts.

After arriving at Warminster some three months later, requested to leave. I got a Surplus Married Quarter in Newport and moved the family to the Quarter. She then refused me a key, moved her brother into the new house and only contacted me for money. Eventually I received the forms for Divorce Proceedings from her Solicitor. She then moved into a council house not telling me the address and then I received letters from CSA.

Before marriage I had my own house in Newport which my mother lives in and she signed forms at a Solicitors to say she would never want anything to do with the house when I married. I had £15,000 saved and two endowment policies with no other debts. I paid all her debts off when I met her. Now I have nothing, over £20,000 in debt and she is asking for half of the house, half of my army pension and half of my lump sum payment.

She has all the furniture from the house; I have nothing. I cannot afford to contest anything in Court – she gets Legal Aid. A very fair system? – I think not.

p2.10

Apart from the revelation of my wife’s affair, I later found that the six-month child was not biologically mine, and then later the four-year-old, Max, who had formed a loving relationship with me.

Since then contact has been frustrated by my former wife, and the Courts have so far never upheld that Max has any right to see the father that he has known and loved since birth.

p2.11

Having lived together for seven years in various rented flats, we decided to buy a place of our own, moving in October 1991. My partner met another guy in December 1991 and decided she had a future with this person. This lasted until March 1992 when she met someone else. This relationship lasted a month when the second person finished with her. She then took me to Court demanding that I sign over my half of the mortgage into my daughter’s name, move out and continue paying the mortgage. This was rejected in Court. Since then, she has endeavoured to prevent me from seeing my daughter. This continues despite a Court Order granting me contact.

p3.1

My wife used me to have a baby and be supported, then left me ruined by lying.

p3.2

My wife resented me leaving and my new relationship. She vowed to cost me money and make life difficult. She agreed twice on maintenance settlement not to ask for more for five years. Both agreements broken. She gets Legal Aid to take me to Court, I do not. At one time she asked for more money, took me to Court and lost. I got no costs. Winning the case cost me £9,000 in legal fees. She blatantly lied in two Affidavits and the Court did nothing.

I have moved jobs to the Midlands and she is contesting a change in access. I will spend more money on the legal profession and probably get nowhere.

I have had three Solicitors, all quoted approximate costs and exceeded them threefold.

The law is a joke!

p3.3

I am not (yet) divorced. My wife has left me, and taken our daughter (six) with her – without my consent. She did this after her petition of divorce was dismissed in High Court. The petition was on grounds of unreasonable behaviour – but the particulars were substantially untrue and even then they still did not amount to much.

I defended myself, and even my wife’s Barrister could not make me seem "unreasonable". The Judge, in summing up, stated he did not believe her testimony on many occasions.

The simple fact is that I have done nothing wrong, but my wife simply ceased loving me: probably for financial reasons.

I thought all the Judges I encountered were very helpful – but the role of her Solicitor was despicable.

p3.4

My children have been brought into all proceedings by their mother despite all efforts on my part to protect them.

I have been slandered and she has perjured herself in sworn statements. I intend to ask the police to prosecute her for the false allegation of forging her signature on a mortgage application.

She has deliberately ignored Court directions and yet no-one except me seems to care. I thought Court Orders and directions were there to be obeyed.

My son has been referred to a child psychologist by a divorced, part-time doctor, who is a friend of my ex-wife’s. This doctor failed to respond to my letters on my ex-wife’s Solicitors instructions. Absolutely disgusting behaviour and underhand. I complained to the Somerset FHSA, met with them and nothing was done except that I was assured that in future my letters asking for details of my son’s health would be answered.

The female mafia will stop at nothing and hurt anyone, including their own kids, and get away with it!

p3.5

Wife deserted, abducting the children, while I was at work on 23.3.90. Told children she was taking them on holiday. Children deeply upset when they found it was not a holiday, and I would not be joining them.

Wife did not warn me, or tell me what she’d done. Phoned my brother to tell him, but refused to say where she had taken the children. I found out, and went to Court for custody under Guardianship of Minors Act. A female Judge (P C) awarded me three months interim custody in June 1990. This lasted 12 months, due to wife’s false allegations involving children in interviews by social worker and policewoman. Policewoman was "straight" and the case conference was obliged to clear me. In secret, social workers tried to "find loophole in law to get children away from me". Mariolatry and feminist dogma at work.

Second hearing, before Judge N, was an absolute farce. She ignored all my evidence and accepted blatant perjury by wife and her witnesses, including school teachers. Returned children to mother, although CWO reported they all wanted to remain with me and would be unhappy if returned to mother.

Children all unhappy, but I was advised no chance of appeal.

I tried for Residence Order in October 1992. Nine-day hearing again before Judge N. Further perjury (obvious) by wife and witnesses, including school teachers and grandmother. All ignored, implying I was a perjurer. Wife’s criminal record, lesbian past and obvious instability all ignored. Official Solicitor and I got eldest son’s wishes wrong. N refused to allow the child to correct this, and gave mother leave to remove children from private education in S to State system in Y. Serious emotional upsets, grave setback to education.

I was again advised not to appeal, and anyway this hearing exhausted my funds.

The official Solicitor and I did a terrible job, not from incompetence, but laziness and a desire to please N. He is too close to the judiciary to satisfy independence requirements.

No-one but the mother has benefited from N’s decisions, and the children have been gravely disadvantaged in all aspects of their lives. In the name of the law!

The basic cause is feminist conspiracy – Judge, Barristers, teachers, Social Services, grandmother, etc, etc. All guilty of child abuse. Cannot prove conspiracy. These things are not written down, or even spoken. They simply close ranks and collude with each other. Aided and abetted by weak men (OS & 4). They should all be imprisoned for wilful child cruelty.

When my children are safely back with me and limitation of the damage done to them is firmly under way, I hope we will tell the world the whole wretched story.

p3.6

Up until October 1994, I thought our marriage was strong. Came home one night and wife said she no longer loved me. She wanted a divorce on the grounds of my behaviour. It was only after friends told me that she was having an affair that I contested the divorce. It has been a long, very bitter divorce. She went to Court in November 1994 and was granted an Ouster Order and injunction based on total lies. Within three weeks, she moved her boyfriend into my home. He is a Hong Kong citizen on a holiday permit, they wanted to marry as quickly as possible in order for him to stay in the country. He now has to leave in September 1995.

I have long spells where I have been unable to see the children just because she says so. Contact now is much better than it has ever been. Divorce is still ongoing – next direction hearing is on 20th September. It was not until 2.8.95 that I have seen a Court Welfare Officer even though I contest residency from the first day of my marriage break-up. I feel very strongly that I have had to wait this long and again I feel the law/Court are very biased towards the women. I feel just because she is a woman, she must be more capable of looking after the children than me.

p4.1

I didn’t want a divorce. I loved my wife and children. When I saw the divorce petition it was a pack of lies. I decided then if I couldn’t live with the ones I loved, I didn’t want to live at all.

On October 9th I entered the house with the intention of having sex with my wife and then taking an overdose. The next day I was arrested at work and charged with rape.

Since then I have tried for a Contact Order but have been prevented through a Prohibited Steps Order. A child psychologist was ordered by the Judge for a report. The first report said contact was a good idea. Then a month later another report was done which advised against contact. I am going to re-apply for contact when I’m released.

p4.2

Met wife in 1987 when still depressed over break-up of first marriage. She wanted to move into my nice house. I resisted until she fell pregnant (though in fairness, I wanted child too).

After two years of marriage, she became restless, started affair(s), left home. Forewarned by first marriage, I kept our daughter at home and, after some months, obtained Residence Order. Result: wife returned, we reconciled, the Residence Order was discharged. Shortly afterwards, wife obtained ex-parte ouster and Residence Order, falsely alleging rape. Two days later she moved out of matrimonial home to live with lover in his home, taking our daughter with her. I was therefore able to move back to matrimonial home and obtain what my lawyer calls "excellent contact". Wife is still trying to get financial adjustment to buy new home (for her and boyfriend!!).

When I met my wife, she was a Hungarian citizen. My passport was (in her eyes) my chief attraction. We married in Hungary, then came to UK. I bought a house for us. Our daughter was born. Spouse fell out of love with me, she consulted divorce lawyer (feminist) then cynically manipulated the break-up of marriage. Started hitting me telling the neighbours I was violent, calling the police. Took our child to doctor saying she suspected sexual abuse. She tried several times to get ousters, but couldn’t because I was innocent of her charges and there was no evidence. I hung on in matrimonial home until divorce, was caring for daughter 50/50 or more. Judge "pooh-poohed" my wish for joint custody, gave her custody, me access once a fortnight. Ex-wife continually disrupted access, turned child against me, wouldn’t obey Access Order. Finally she went to Court and had Access Order suspended. Child (then 8) interviewed by CWO, said she wanted access "to be voluntary". Hardly seen her since.

August 1990: Family holiday in Ireland. Telephone call from office to say I have been made redundant. Wife took children home early and asked me not to come back home.

September 1990: I found other accommodation and established regular (twice weekly) contact with the children.

June 1991: Attended marriage guidance with spouse. After one of the meetings, began to obstruct contact. Although I managed to continue contact, it was not so easy as before and spouse introduced money difficulties which she communicated by a flood of letters.

January 1992: I took the children to my parents for Christmas. Spouse phoned asking me to bring them back early, which I refused.

Soon after, this contact was stopped altogether. The door was not opened when I called at the normal times.

February 1992: I applied to Court for contact. Two weeks later, spouse petitioned for divorce. Response to my application form was report from Social Services alleging sexual misconduct towards the children. It transpired that spouse had approached St. George’s hospital with allegations back in September 1991 – both children had been attending psychotherapy since then.

April 1992: Directions Hearing – no interim contact awarded and later Directions Hearings, no interim contact.

May 1993: Withdrew application owing to apparent change in attitude of the children (negative).

p4.5

13th January 1991 the spouse left home and took the eldest child with her, who happened to be her favourite, and left two other children with myself. She had been seeing someone else for a year and a half, apparently, and wanted a divorce. She returned on 30th January. I left the home on 11th June after realising I was being set up by my spouse, to give her a reason for an injunction. My daughter, A, came with me. A day after I received an Ex-parte not to assault/molest/interfere with the petitioner, with power of arrest attached. "Judge John Morgan being satisfied I had caused actual bodily harm and likely to do so again." 10th June – 17th June.

17th June: new injunction issued to 17th September 1991 at 4.00 pm.

21st June: Judge John Morgan ordered daughter A to be given to the petitioner. I was forbidden to enter the estate where the children now lived, only for access on Sundays 10.00 am – 6.00 pm, power of arrest attached. The child had to be returned initially to a stranger to myself. No expiry date on order for (power of arrest).

14th July: went for access but no-one was in house.

23rd September: new injunction arrived.

23rd September 1991 – 4th January 1992 at 4.00 pm: no power of arrest attached now.

21st July 1991: two younger children fretting.

18th December 1991: delivered three musical Christmas cards to children. Found mother out on the town having a party, whilst boyfriend was minding the children.

Etc, etc...

January 1993: Family row during Christmas holidays.

21st January 1993: Received letter from her Solicitors asking for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Until matters were resolved I had to live under the same roof but completely separately: food, washing, sleeping, etc.

Mrs W took children on outings but they were not allowed to tell me where.

October 1993: Mrs W took items from my locked car with access to Solicitors file, etc. After refusal to return key, I attempted to take key from her handbag. She attacked me with help from children. She brought charges and also included children so they were put on the Child Protection Register. I obviously had to live elsewhere. She got what she wanted (me out).

July 1994: Case thrown out of Crown Court but I agreed to keep the peace. This case ruined my relationship with the children.

September 1994: Divorce Decree granted.

August 1994 – March 1995: Arguing through Solicitors over financial matters.

March 1995: Court Order to sell house and proceeds split as directed.

August 1995: Informed that Mrs W was having an adulterous affair all along.

September 1995: Still not seen children and Mrs W is still very antagonistic against me. Children ignore all approaches.

p5.1

Wife decided to back out of voluntary agreement made in Magistrates Court regarding access. Magistrates Court had only recorded "reasonable access to J". Wife increasingly hostile to contact, children distressed at restrictive attitude to contact so applied for contact. Judge C totally ignoring children's clearly stated wishes made cruelly vindictive orders which he then raised at wife’s request at four subsequent hearings cutting all access within six months. Refused to restart contact, and all subsequent attempts to restore access turned down by Court. Over 40 days of Court Hearings devoted to case. I have no contact or hope of any. Wife has spent £250,000 attacking me, cost totally destroyed families finances. Ex-wife exceptionally bitter and left struggling on income support tant pis.

p5.2

The circumstances of my ex-wife’s adultery were distressing with complex lies. I am a consultant paediatrician. It is clear (and agreed) that my ex-wife was psychiatrically ill at the time of her adultery. She made to me (and to family therapists) a number of disclosures. These included a planned suicide and murder of our son and a history of mental illness similar to that of Beverley Allitt – Munchausen’s Syndrome. This she later retracted.

Other bizarre events included her falsely reporting to the police an abduction on Wimbledon Common and claiming the man was probably the suspect arrested (and released) for the crime. She also deliberately injured her head and claimed she had thrown herself downstairs. She admitted previous self injuries and fabricated illnesses.

Social Services called a case conference – it was made clear that our child should not live with her until she was well, he had been living with my parents (who had provided day time child care when my ex-wife had returned to work). I subsequently parted from her and lived with my parents (and son). He lived with me for almost 18 months until I agreed he could return to my ex-wife. Sad aspects of the case involved my ex-wife’s hiring of a militant feminist Solicitor – **, the famous * * (of the Law Society *). Legal Aid bills involving leading counsel were over £300,000 for my ex-wife. The two most enigmatic aspects of the case became overblown. These involved my ex-wife’s "confession intimation" about a Beverley Allitt-style murder and her bizarre arrangement for a pacemaker to be inserted in my father by her lover while she was ill. A Section 3.7(?) Report by Social Services stated the child should reside with me, as did a detailed report by the Official Solicitor’s Child Psychiatrist. My ex-wife’s psychiatrists and therapist gave a powerful case for her having recovered and, after lengthy discussions with the Child Psychiatrist, he changed his mind one day before the High Court hearing stating that, although I was a "good man and a good father and my concerns were sincere, a child’s place is with his mother". My leading counsel (AC) told me to agree to a generous contact schedule as the Judge would not give residency to a father. Sadly, all this did not consider my son who cries at the end of every contact and now pleads to live with me. I am advised the Court will not "listen" to him until he is much older. I find this hard to live with.

p5.3

My wife and I are now trying to agree matters between ourselves rather than go through the Courts which will probably cost £20–30k. The problems are financial – how much money should she have. We are currently agreeing on shared residency for the children.

I feel that my wife has been badly advised by her lawyer. I know that she expected to receive £85,000–£90,000 lump sum after four years of marriage, to which she had not contributed financially. My very robust defence looks like it might result in being able to agree matters between ourselves.

p5.4

After only a short liaison, my ex was pregnant with my son. She chose to have an abortion but twice couldn’t go through with it. She then decided to have the child adopted. I wouldn’t accept this and offered to adopt (marriage was ruled out). She wouldn’t do this but we decided to live together and try to work it out (I was mainly worried about "being around" in case of difficulties). She had pre-natal depression. Attempted suicide and had a nervous breakdown. We continued to live together for five months after the birth, until the night before we were due to move into a new house which I had purchased. She wouldn’t move without my signing over 50% of house title so she left, going back to her own house. I agreed £120 per week maintenance which I paid for 15 months. She felt I should pay more. She applied to the CSA. My increased mortgage and decreased income due to bad business trading, partially brought on by difficult contact with my son, set the CSA to the minimum £2.35. I knew this was too low and offered £60 per week. But she just attacked me and tried to stop me seeing my son. I applied for Section 8; we came to a mutual contact arrangement prior to any order. She now lives with another man – but is trying to hide this from me, as she is using the children (Act Legislation, Section 15, Schedule 1) to get me to buy a £65,000 house for ostensibly her and my son to live in. We are currently due to be in County Court in October. She has been legally aided throughout. It has cost me £3,000 to date and I expect it to rise to £6,000 and any settlement. I think the whole situation is a joke, the law is just there to attack men who still want to see their kids and isn’t bothered about true absent parents.

p6.1.1

It [i.e. the survey form] has been difficult to complete as my circumstances do not fit neatly.

Following months of tension from late-1985, my ex decided to petition for divorce whereas I wanted to save the marriage for our daughter. She employed the most despised and aggressive Solicitor in the area (which actually turned to my advantage). He turned out all the usual (as I’ve since discovered) dirty tricks. This outraged me so much I let her know that I would defend every last part of the process. It was like the old nuclear-defence argument of MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction). It worked: the petition was on the brink of being filed when she withdrew, pushed her Solicitor aside and started communicating directly.

It took four years of intensive diplomacy but in 1990 we had reached a stage that we embodied all our arrangements in a "Deed of Separation" which we have abided by ever since.

We now have a respectful (even slightly affectionate) relationship. We are both comfortably housed and pursing folly independent lives. Most important, our daughter is still fully the child of two parents.

Moral: Don’t let lawyers or the State have anything to do with divorce. Marriage/divorce should only be subject to basic contract law.

p6.1.2

To go through a separation where children are concerned is bad enough, but to have a careless Solicitor – one who simply doesn’t understand what you are going through makes things twice as bad. An understanding Solicitor would have helped a great deal.

Something else which added salt to the wound was to receive injunction threats from my wife’s Solicitors which were totally false. The whole process made me feel that when it comes to disputes over children and divorce – it’s a woman’s world! I know now that this isn’t always the case – some women do get it hard when it comes to separation, but that’s just how my particular case made me feel at the time. Also my Solicitor once never turned up for a Directions appointment!

No matter how easy it appears to get, (from outsiders points of view) ex’s are always there to remind you of what you got yourself into.

1. Solicitor for spouse

• continually lied to the Court;
• changed Court rulings (slip rule);
• had a contact in Court admin who warned him of any moves by our side;
• took matrimonial assets in exchange for services rather than payment of fees;
• repeatedly broke promises to my Solicitor;
• garnished my bank accounts for a non-existent debt (ex-parte application);
• sent bailiffs into my Solicitor’s offices to remove furniture for payment of non-existent debt (ex-parte application when I and my Solicitor were on holiday).

2. The Court NEVER asked for or obtained authenticated financial statements from my ex-wife; the financial matters were "settled" in 1991 on entirely fictitious (and contradictory) statements by her.

3. I was never allowed to present evidence (supported by medical specialists) of my ex-wife’s alcoholism and behaviour diagnosed as malignant hysteria; nor was my claim to be regarded as a caring parent ever seriously considered. My children are now dysfunctional, disturbed, lying failures.

4. I objected to the "settlement" of financial matters in October 1991 because it was imprecise and unenforceable against a respondent who has never complied with any Court Order (she ignored a one-year drink-driving ban as well); the chattels issue is not yet concluded from years later.

I intend to sue my lawyers.

p6.1.4

The divorce proceedings that I went through were an absolute disaster personally, ie emotionally and financially. I had been aware of my wife’s increasingly hostile behaviour for some time, and I had been having my suspicion of her behaviour for some time.

We were married in 1975. She brought nothing to the marriage. I was in a good position, and I had several properties in London which had been in my family for many years.

In 1985, after a lot of negotiation, we started a business in two of these properties – a residential home for the elderly. We had to take out a heavy loan to do this to fund the conversion work and furnishing. The old people’s home (OPH) opened in December 1985 and my wife moved into the OPH, while I stayed at work in my practice and also looked after the children – the youngest being only two years.

My wife apparently immediately started an affair with the Fire Officer – responsible for fire precautions. This was known to all the staff, but not to me.

In 1991, at one day’s notice, my wife left the business leaving me to try to run it. A few weeks later she left the family home taking her children with her. She had to get an Ex-parte Ouster Order, but failed.

I defended the divorce initially on my own. Later I employed Solicitors. Firstly a firm in ** ******, G, L and M and later a **** *** firm, LBM. Though the partner I dealt with [remainder of sentence illegible]. At no time was I offered Legal Aid. I had since been told that I and my wife were entitled to it as everything was in contention. When the ancillary proceedings started I received totally inadequate advice from my Solicitor, and when I found it difficult to pay him, he refused further help. In fact he refused to come to the ancillary proceedings. I lost my business and almost all my money – shares, insurances, etc.

I am now trying to find out whether I could possibly sue the second Solicitor for negligent conduct of my case.

Any advice you may be able to give would be very much appreciated.

I now owe £25,000 in Court costs, and tax of £25,000 or thereabouts.

p6.1.5

Angry at the CSA who could not take into account that I voluntarily paid the mortgage and my ex-wife’s and Hanna’s upkeep for a year and a half prior to them getting involved. Because it was done without a Court Order, they didn’t take it into account and back-dated the claim costing me £4,000.

The ineptitude of most Solicitors and their fees. I used three altogether, one of whom I claimed my deposit of fees back through the Solicitor’s Complaints Bureau.

Angry at all the power and law going behind the parents with the child. (if I’d have given up work to be able to contest my wife having Hanna, all three of us would be homeless).

History – 23.4.92

My two children were abducted from their home to live 100 miles away in Burnley. My 10-year-old daughter locked herself in the bathroom. In order to persuade her to unlock the door, her mother promised to bring her back in 11 days (which she failed to do). My son was four years old.

17.6.92 Specific Issue (Respondent did not attend)
(Litigation in Person) (Judge S W [C])

30.6.92 Specific Issue (Respondent did not attend)
(Litigation in Person) (Judge G [D])

2.7.92 Contact (Respondent did not attend)
(Litigation in Person) (Judge S [C])

23.7.92 Directions (Respondent did not attend)
(Litigation in Person) (Judge G [D])

28.8.92 Contact (CONTACT ORDER MADE – {two nights alternate weekends})
(Litigation in Person, Respondent had Solicitor) (Judge M [C])

20.10.92 Residence (Welfare Officer did not attend)
(Solicitor used, Respondent had Barrister) (Judge P [C])

16.11.92 Residence (JOINT RESIDENCE ORDER MADE AND CHILDREN TO LIVE IN H WITHIN THREE MONTHS) (Judge P [C])
(Solicitor used, Respondent had Barrister)

16.2.93 Ex-parte Variance (by mother) – I did not learn of this hearing until after it had taken place. I tried twice in the morning to ring my wife’s Solicitor and had a message that he would ring me back – but he failed to do so. I went to Court because my wife had not complied with the Court Order. My wife and her Solicitor had just left the Court, but I arranged to see the same Judge that day. I persuaded him to change the Order so that an update of the Welfare Report was to be made, the Welfare Officer and the children were to attend Court on the 26.2.93. (Judge C [C])

(Respondent used Solicitor? – I was not notified, but later the same day say the Judge as Litigant in person)

26.2.93 Order varied (Report not updated, Welfare Officer did not attend, Judge would not see children and an ORDER MADE FOR THE CHILDREN TO LIVE WITH THEIR MOTHER IN B) (Recorder A QC)
(Litigant in person, Respondent used a Barrister)

22.9.93 Marriage finally dissolved.

During this time, Counsel advised me not to appeal, so I went through the full complaints procedure about the Family Court Welfare Officer and his report, until eventually the Chief Probation Officer advised me to go back to Court.

16.2.94 In the W County Court, District Judge M ordered that a second Court Welfare Officer report be prepared as to Residence of the children. His advice to Mrs H’s legal representative, was to adjourn the hearing in the B County Court on the 25th February 1994, until after the Residence of the children was decided.
(Litigant in person, Respondent did not personally attend but was represented by a Solicitor)

25.2.94 Judge M’s advice to Mrs H’s legal representative was ignored, and on the 25th February 1994, District Judge G, in the B Country Court, read Affidavits, etc about the case and saw counsel representatives from both sides. Further discussion then took place between the respective counsels, and between counsel and clients. Eventually, at my request, my counsel asked the Judge to adjourn the ancillary relief hearing until after the Residence of the children was settled. Adjournment was refused and by consent, a Court settlement was ordered (of the total of £75,000, my wife had about 2/3).
(Barristers used on both sides)

21.7.94 In the W County Court, it was ordered that the children were to live with me in Hednesford and have contact with their mother in B.
(Litigant in person, Respondent used a Barrister)

15.5.95 In the B County Court, Recorder B ordered that leave to appeal out of time for ancillary matters be refused and no order for costs.
(Litigant in person, Respondent used a Solicitor)

16.7.95 I sent a formal complaint about my counsel and her professional conduct to the Executive Secretary of the Professional Conduct Committee, General Council of the Bar.

Unusual – but true.

p6.2.2

Somehow Solicitors shouldn’t generally be dealing with divorce matters.

There should be committees who would decide the settlement where possible concerning children, finances, etc. Only the use of Solicitors would be deemed necessary in cases where parties were deliberately obstructing fairness in settlement.

Solicitors cause most of the problems and charge extremely high fees for little knowledge and yet even with a sensible service can still be paid. The whole system stinks. The Judges are biased and generally go along with the adversarial Barristers in the game show of the Court room where each Barrister is only interested in outdoing the other Barrister.

My divorce process still isn’t finished completely after five years.

p6.3.1

Generally I cannot complain with Courts as I have always got the orders in my favour, even if not expected, ie I got custody of my son and I got generous Contact Order to my daughter, although ex-wife did not comply.

However, my experience of the Court Welfare Officer is very bad. He was very sexist, biased and lied in his report. This forced me to withdraw proceedings to seek custody of my daughter. This particular report gave my ex ammunition to block all contact and I have not seen my daughter for two years. I have complained vigorously to various Bodies re the CWO. I have received an apology from the Regional Director from Probation Service. He expressed deep regret, but this is no use as the damage is done.

p6.3.2

I am a professional man, I earn good money but unfortunately I will always have to work to keep a roof over my head. Try as I might I could not get my ex to understand how hard ordinary people like us worked just to keep their heads above water. As far as I’m concerned I did the "man thing" ie go out and earn the money, but she did not do the "woman thing" ie stay at home, look after the kids, tea on the table, etc. I would have gladly stayed at home myself to look after the kids, etc because I was a better parent than her but as I could earn three or four times what she could, it would be a waste of resources.

Clearly my ex was pregnant for most of the time we lived together so I was prepared to muck in and help. I did most of the cooking each evening, virtually all the washing up, most evenings I made the children’s bottles. I cycled to work to leave my ex with the car – even before I wasted £500 to get her through her test. All the money I had, I split evenly with her and gave her what I still consider to be a generous amount of house-keeping money – £100 per week. Just after my son was born, I employed her sister to help with the housework. I don’t think I could have done more – but she obviously did.

Things got worse and worse and she became more and more difficult and she finally fell out with my mother and refused to let the children see her. As a family man, I could not handle this and we argued – she physically attacked me and then left because of my violence – rich eh?

For a few weeks she stayed at her mothers and I went up to see the children a couple of times a week. I gave her some money and I stayed for a couple of hours at a time. When I suggested a change in this contact, ie the children on my own, she refused. Then one day she came round to fetch more of her stuff. We ended up nearly having a fight after when I refused to let her have the TV. After this I decided that I couldn’t see the children at her mum’s – it was too difficult and I would go through the Courts. At this point you are thinking – you fool – and you are right. I genuinely believed that the courts would help as contact with the fathers was actively encouraged. How naive can you get? It was just before this point that I needed help and advice on what to do and what was likely to happen. This would have saved a couple of thousand on Solicitors and I would probably still be seeing my children. I don’t know what to suggest in terms of contacting fathers in the early stages/middle of separations before they have a chance to screw up their lives and the lives of their children and lose all contact.

At the initial court session, I was granted a preliminary Contact Order to see the children for three hours on Sunday mornings at her mums. This, of course, was horrible but acceptable until a permanent order was made. After five such visits she prevented me from coming again. Then she put a restraint order on me. After 11 months of CWO reports and Solicitors and three brief contact sessions at the CW office, the second report said "I see no point pursuing the question of contact at this stage as Ms S is completely opposed to it". At this point I gave up. Again completely the wrong thing to do. But I didn’t know what to do – and worse still neither did my Solicitor.

My CWO was a bit of a star. She was a middle-aged hippy with no children. Her husband was a teacher and so she had very little experience of real life. My mum and dad made an application for grandparent access – she said to my dad "what on earth could you have in common with a 15-year old girl?" (my little sister). I don’t know – what does a father have in common with his daughter? some DNA? Both of my parents wrote to her after their meeting, shocked at her attitude and she wrote back saying "I distinctly remember saying it would have been preferable if Ms S had sought a change to the preliminary order rather than just break it" – neither of my parents remember her saying that. When I told her I cycled to work to leave her with the car – she looked at me as if to say "you cheapskate – you should have had a car each". The classic quote is the one in the questionnaire "No-one paid their poll tax in Stroud – they were making a cultural statement." Is it not possible for FNF to keep a database of CWOs and their biases so members could be prepared when meeting them?

Would it be possible to have FNF approved against Solicitors, because despite all my mistakes a decent Solicitor would have possibly saved the day. I ended up with an indirect order for four letters/cards a year and she is supposed to send me photos – she doesn’t, of course.

That was last year – I am still short of advice really but I am saving money for a further Court battle next year – when the children are a little older and you never know – my ex a little more mature. I will never give up – I hope to get residence later. The only good aspect of the whole thing is that the CSA haven’t caught up with me yet and I have paid off all the debts incurred but not the negative equity.

There you have it – Legal Aid pays for mothers to fight contact with fathers. A sorry tale of mistakes, naivety and lack of experience with the Courts until it was too late.

p6.3.3

My spouse had had an easy materialistic life until things suddenly became tough when I was caught up in the 1990 recession. She then wanted "out" and was prepared to wreck a young family for it.

I was confident of obtaining "custody" of both children because I had spent probably more time than her in bringing them up. The Welfare Officers disagreed and were prepared to lie and distort the truth in order to destroy my case. Judge B’s hands were tied by the Welfare Report but gave me considerable contact and imposed a movement restriction on my ex-wife of living within six miles of children’s existing school.

My ex-wife started married life with nothing but within 12 years was able to walk off with my life’s work financially together with my children.

My definition of divorce for women, especially where children are concerned is LEGALISED ROBBERY!

p6.3.4

The events are now far in the past when the legal situation, etc was different.

Court Welfare Officers (original one, and later one and later one when I took proceedings to restore access when refused) were disgusting vermin. Both were Roman Catholic spinsters and showed obvious bias on religious grounds – this could work in any direction of course – and were personal friends of one another. Both made it very clear they were interested in the interests of themselves and their department (H Probation and After-care Service) and nothing else at all. Reports were factually inaccurate and could not be challenged by cross-examination, etc in Court.

After the desertion I had to change locks, defend my home from incursions and pillage by my wife and a very large man (not her lover) she brought with her. It took two years to get a Court Order forcing her to sell her interest in the matrimonial home to me: the Court assumed only the deserting party could require such an order.

Well there is a lot more but no space!

p6.3.5

My ex gave false statements about child abuse, rape, violence and all sexual aspects under oath yet all were dismissed. Yet by the suggestion of this I was looked upon in a different manner.

It took the Court at G a year to realise that there were two children in the marriage.

My wife left home in February 1991, removed my two children from school and vanished.

In October 1991, she was ordered to return the children back to their home and me. She did not! This was done as she could not claim DSS without the girls.

I was ordered out of my home on 28-day ouster order and was ordered not to remove anything or take anything with me. I was homeless, yet she was given my lovely home to be paid for by DSS. I was granted access every Sunday to my children but the mother never let me see them. I only spoke to them twice on the phone. Welfare Officers took 19 months and were a disgrace to their jobs. I complained to their Chief Officer but nothing was done about it. I was also granted two Contact Orders but they were never complied with by the mother.

The mother made the two girls write a letter to the Court stating they never ever wanted to see their father again and it was granted. I spent three years with three jobs fighting to see my children and each time the Court never ever spoke to me or asked me about the children. I now live in a 8 ft by 4 ft room. I have nothing. I am a total wreck. I will never ever have a home and I get only 25% in the year 2001 when I will be too old. I also have to pay back the Legal Aid and there is a High Court Order for her not to cohabit in the home but she has been for three years and no-one will do anything about it.

I can never see my daughters again yet I lived with them for 11 years with no trouble at all.

The letters they wrote to the Court I have. Not bad for an eight-year-old and 11-year-old. I would give all to them if I could see them.

All paid for by Legal Aid and the amazing DSS and the public.

p6.3.6

I am surprised Mr Bruce Leadington did not respond to the copy of my complaint addressed to Home Secretary which was against Mrs L M. Court Welfare Officer, Lord Russell, asked me to put in details, so I did – but I don’t know what he did. I have the undeniable evidence that Mrs L M is a liar, corrupt official and fully responsible for wasting £20,000 (Legal Aid).

I was always polite with everybody, then contact was terminated with my daughter, a penal notice was attached, etc. I read the books family law terminated/changed my Solicitor.

Three times changed my Barrister and finally started challenging Court. Court Welfare Officer rejected all Barristers, challenged Judge M E, then at the age of 10 years, 8 months, I got my daughter’s residence, and the last report says child should not have been removed originally.

Please speak to me.

Marriage

Right up to a few weeks before my ex-wife moved out, I was not aware that there was anything wrong with our marriage (a view shared by all relatives, friends and neighbours). About six months previously, in the course of her work, she had been carrying on a (non-physical) relationship with someone who treated her in the way she seemed to need (ie to be set on a pedestal). She left me, to set up home with him and tried to supplant me by him in both her and our children’s lives.

Divorce Proceedings

I was appalled to find that I was "criminalised" by the Courts, and that the whole system is geared to the convenience of the Judges, Solicitors and Court procedures, and not to the needs of the "customers". It was a matter of rubber-stamping the standard formula of sole custody to the mother and reasonable access to me – they refused even to give me any idea as to what reasonable access implied: "Sort it out with their mother" the Judge told me.

Division of Matrimonial Assets

The following facts do not seem to be taken into account:

(a) Husbands are frequently several years older than their wives and many take considerably more assets/savings into the marriage

(b) Part of a husband’s occupational pension contributions goes towards a widow’s pension. Since no corresponding benefit goes to the husband if his wife dies, then he should receive more than half of the pension fund.

(c) The CSA formula involves a payment to the caring parent; this adds injury to insult to fathers such as myself who have had their children divorced from them.

(1) I was advised that even though the grounds were bogus it was a waste of time and money; as she wanted a divorce, it could not be prevented.

(2) I was told by the Judge that "my father should not let me go homeless" because he was an elderly retired businessman. The mother of my ex owns property in Australia and Italy but no comment was forthcoming from him in that area. After the financial hearing it transpired that my ex had brought in several thousand pounds generated from her rented Australian property.

Follow this: she had always claimed that she had to give the income to her mother as her mother needed it to survive. At a later hearing the ex said that she was being given the income by her mother so that the ex could pay her outgoings here in England. Judge immediately springs to life and says "of course there will be a charge attached to this "loan" won’t there?". Her Barrister couldn’t believe it but, of course, said that there would.

That Judge was the most arrogant, leering, biased person that I have ever had the misfortune to meet.

My ex-wife had a phobia about other women and needed medical help. Unfortunately she refused to accept divorce facts as presented by a psychologist and went for [unfinished sentence]. That was the beginning of the end. An unhelpful Solicitor took his pieces of silver and several lives became ruined.

Children are spelt P R O P E R T Y.

Women bear children.

Woman always get custody of children.

p6.4.3

This questionnaire contains information relevant to my first marriage. Interestingly the comparison in attitudes is quite apparent. I hope you find this useful.

Due to the severe animosity and bad feeling following the divorce, I was advised to move some distance away. Upon reflection this was probably a bad move to make personally, so far as the children were concerned it was definitely the right thing to do.

However, this has created difficulties so far as access is concerned. My former wife makes no attempt to help with the access, she refuses to let the son living with her travel even part way on his own but insists that he is collected and returned by myself. This involves a round trip of about 200 miles every other week. She also refuses to let me have her telephone number so that the only contact I have with my younger son, other than fortnightly visits, is by letter and I sometimes doubt whether these get to him. Court orders are frequently and regularly broken with regard to his leaving the country on holiday and I do not know when or where he goes or how to contact him in an emergency.

Following the financial settlement it became apparent that there were serious discrepancies and flaws in the judgement. I was therefore advised to appeal. Leave to appeal was heard on the first working day after Christmas 1989. However, despite frenzied negotiations between the two Barristers prior to the hearing, leave to appeal was refused. My legal advisor then recommended that I declare myself bankrupt. Fortunately I did not take this advice and I am now better off and more secure financially than ever I was when married. However, during this time I formed the opinion that the legal system during divorce is strongly biased towards the woman, no matter what her circumstances, and this has been confirmed by many people I have spoken to since.

In addition, I have learnt that it does not pay to be completely honest and straightforward when dealing with the Courts who do not want to ensure a fair and just settlement. To site one example, during the financial hearing, I asked a question only to be told that "I was here to answer questions, not ask them".

Should you decide to look into this aspect further I would be quite happy for you to use my experiences and will give you any further information I can.

Finally, after all this time there is still a great deal of hostility from my ex-wife and her family. I have been told by my younger son, the eldest having left home, that his mother has stated on several occasions that if she had her way he would have nothing to do with me. Access, whilst not being prevented, is made as difficult as possible, on one occasion I was delayed by an accident on the motorway and arrived to find she had taken my son out herself, and several times I have been telephoned by my son the evening before I am going to see him to be told that "mum has said I have to go somewhere else". Whilst I do not expect to be told everything, I have to fight to get school reports, I am not consulted about any aspect of their education, and I feel that if anything happened to either of them I would be the last to know. I am sure I am not the only father in this position. Needless to say my ex-wife does not speak with me, but all communication is now through the youngest son despite advice from the Court Welfare Office to the contrary.

p6.4.4

Because of her cold and callous attitude I considered that it was essential that the children had weekly contact with me. As I work and now live 20 miles away, contact during the week is impractical and so I wanted it set at every fortnight for a whole weekend and the intervening Friday. The weekends and holidays fitted in with her running and racing programme and so she agreed to this. However, the intervening Fridays did not. I went to Court for this. Having no money, I represented myself and got the access that the children need.

(A) My attitude of the Courts and justice before the divorce was very high. I had never been inside a Court before the divorce. I realise now that I was naive. The two Judges in the three hearings that I had – two interim maintenance and one ancillary relief quite clearly considered it their job to squeeze as much out of me and give it to her as possible, all done on the objectionable excuse of "what is best for the children". I believe that the only person who was in Court and thinking of the children first was me. Their mother certainly was only thinking of herself.

I believe that the basic problem is that a divorce is a three-way split: mother – father – children. Courts can only deal with a two-way split. Therefore they join the mother and children and Judges only see fathers versus children.

I have a great deal more sympathy for the Birmingham and Guildford "bombers" since my dealings with the "kangaroo courts". Judges are people with power and no responsibility especially in closed Courts where they do just as the mood takes them.

(1) and (2) Ex wife went to Court with application for Residence Order. Not granted.

(3) I accept my parental obligations regarding maintenance. Equally I would like to see some pressure on my ex-wife to make a financial contribution.

I have been treated terribly and unforgivably by the CSA. However, now rules have changed, I prefer this familiar approach to endless Court appearances for variations. I wish spousal maintenance could be done similarly.

(4) I cannot, try as I might, get a clean break. Family assets are being eroded by incessant Court appearances in defence of outrageous demands. This has been compounded recently by an arbitrary judgement which escalated rather than resolved issues.

(5) I perceive I am locked into a judicial system that exploits me continuously, which I cannot get out of, and which offers no solutions.

When I surmount my immediate problem I would like to campaign to:

(i) Get District Judge B removed from office.

(ii) Help to ensure the proposed reforms of Divorce Laws are indeed reforms.

(iii) Make judiciary accountable and responsible to the community.

p6.4.6

My wife’s sons D and C, especially were a bad lot – unruly, disturbed, drunken, violent, continually in trouble with police – petty offences, drunken behaviour, affray, malicious damage, though neither came to Court. D was involved with drugs and since the divorce has been sectioned for psychiatric care on several occasions. Both D and C remain unemployed. D is unemployable. I wished to put space between my son A (note age difference) and wife’s sons, D and C, particularly because of their bad influence.

On the one visit by the Court Welfare Officer, D and C were on their best behaviour, my Affidavits as to their behaviour were refuted and the Court Welfare Office reported them as "nice young men". My wife also refuted that she would take my son away to the West Country after the divorce (which of course she did as soon as she was able to sell the matrimonial home).

My Solicitor was ineffectual in advising on child-related matters and counsel (from London) unwilling (on Solicitor’s advice) to stand up to local Judge. My assertion that wife would take my son away was said to be inadmissible for submission to Court and I was also advised not to contest the Ouster Order. I lost the battle and ultimately the war. I have no faith in the legal profession, the legal system or the judiciary.

My recollection of this short period of marriage is now very hazy. Probably irrelevant. The divorce was reasonably amicable, not contested, and split of assets agreed between Solicitors. I have never seen nor heard from wife since the time of the divorce.

Second marriage: 1984-1987

This second marriage began with a betrayal of contraception. I was greeted by the lady dangling a delcon shield telling me she was pregnant and "what did I intend doing about it?"

The lady gave birth to my daughter C E who, with the approval of the Court, doesn’t even carry my name! I had no wish to marry the lady in that I did not trust her. This led, however, to the mistreatment of my daughter. I met with the Registrar of B County Court and consulted with two Solicitors who told me that "the treatment of the child is no business of mine unless I was married to the lady". (1983)

I gave the matter all of my thought and, despite knowing what was in store for me from such a woman, I went ahead and married her to make my daughter legitimate and provide my daughter with a brother, A P.

To finance the marriage I came out of retirement (52 years for Flight Crew at that time). Later during the divorce and thereafter I was "refused permission" to retire again. One gentleman went so far as to tell me that "as his Honour was willing to work until he was 72, I should be made to do so also". I kid thee not!

My second marriage included step children. As part of the case against me it was considered to charge me with interfering with my step daughter, E. She was then aged about 14. It was realised, however, that by the time the case "came to Court", E would be 16 and old enough to go "in the box". This allegation was dropped and substituted much later (much, much later) with the allegation that I had had "sexual contact with my four-year-old daughter in the bath".

This was later dropped but not until my daughter had been closely quizzed by no less than three "social" workers. The trauma is still with her to this day – and I can do nothing about it! (Complete with physically correct dolls, I might add.)

It took me almost two years to have my file released by Solicitors – no, I did not owe money! Next came the year of "surveillance" after I won access for my children. Then "surprise" visits by "social" workers. On one such visit my daughter aged about seven took me by the hand and had me follow her into the garden "to get them away from Daddy".

This whole episode has been one long horror story, eleven years now. Suppression of my evidence and perjurous evidence from the Petitioner. On advice of John Taylor, MP, The Lord Chancellors Office, I took up just one of the instances of perjury with the Lincolnshire Police. No further action will be taken.

Fiddling the DSS?
Leaving my children alone in the house at night?
Slapping my son’s legs because he "wanted to be with Daddy" rather than be made to sleep "in a chair" at his mother’s place of work, night shift.

Every effort has been made by the Courts to have me become an "absent father". They fail to understand that I am not their farm animal and my children never were "just dirty water". It’s called "genetics".

p6.5.2

I left family home and my business believing Courts would protect my financial interests and contact with my daughter.

This has not been the case and I made two residence applications as litigant is person. Successful second time because my daughter refused to live with mother. Made three applications to recover control of family home (as LIP) – unsuccessful.

Currently have leave to proceed with judicial review of decisions and actions of Legal Aid Board. Intend to sue for damages in High Court when this is complete. (Legal Aid Board took sides in divorce.)

Intend to sue spouse’s Solicitor for significant damages for defamation (in correspondence to legal aid board, now disclosed).

MY DIVORCE IS THE MOST UGLY AND DESTRUCTIVE OF THE CENTURY.

I am now writing a book about the legal industry, which I compare with the Mafia.

The Courts posed such a severe long-term threat to my security that I went over onto the attack. Lord MacKay has written to me apologising for illegal activity by officers of the W County Court. He also admitted to his ignorance of Court procedures which he is paid to enforce.

The Courts breached their own procedures at every stage over six years.

The first Welfare Report was delayed for two years, until TIM YEO looked into it. We have been waiting five years for the second Welfare Report, ordered by W COUNTY COURT.

p6.5.4

Mrs Justice H (* *) made a judgement saying, because I had a homosexual relationship many years earlier, it had a bearing and therefore I was as likely as to have abused my son. I was given unconditional access – with no restrictions. Social Services, who had totally ignored me, then listened to Dr C, who had, of all people, been highly criticised. He wrote a demeaning letter to the case conference, convened because my wife was about to give birth. They refused to change the date – we later discovered they planned to seize the baby two hours after it was born. We fled to Holland – our child was registered as a Dutch citizen. Social Services freely sent information about our case all over Europe. We returned – there was a violent police raid (see Spectator Article by Alistair Palmer, 6th August 1994) – we were reunited by Mrs H 17 days later. We underwent interviews with six Psychiatrists involving 2,500 miles of motoring, plus other experts and professionals. We videoed all of the Social Services key worker meetings with us – they went mad! All the reports recommended the Social Services withdraw from the case. They then asked the High Court in March this year if they could withdraw from the proceedings. We had been banned from leaving the country – so our Dutch family did not see the child or mother for nine months. They even refused at Christmas when all the reports had been completed (bar two). I am now seeing the Social Services and Surrey Constabulary who, ironically, offered me back my firearms certificate (pistol shooting) four weeks after the raid. I am left with permanent injury and since had to give up my profession.

Please contact me by fax or phone.

p6.5.5

Mental Health Charities and a Government Report have stated that people such as Social Workers, CWOs, Legals and even Doctors and Psychiatrists, just will not take relatives seriously when they try to seek help for their family. This was so in my case even though my wife had a previous history of treatment at a mental hospital before we were married.

I know my ex-wife cannot distinguish between dreams and reality and the notion that I am a child molester is the result of one of them, sparked off by a newspaper headline at the time (post-partum). It is a CWO’s duty to bring to the attention of the Court any possible way in which the contact difficulties could be resolved. Despite my pleas he would not do this by saying anything about the likelihood of a "fixed delusion" in my wife’s mind. In fact, he fixed it by – withdrawing contact he rubber-stamped the allegation.

A Child Psychiatrist was present in Court at my contact application. The shrink knows my wife has schizophrenia but would not say so because not specifically directed to give an opinion on the mental health of either of the parents (a point of principle). So she went along with the CWO’s recommendation of no contact, whilst also whispering to the medical student at her side the physical symptoms my wife displays (anorexia, malnutrition, and prematurely grey hair).

p6.5.6

My relationship with the mother was as a friend, not a live-in partner. Had the child not been conceived that is what it would have remained. On the birth of the child, I lived briefly with the mother but then moved nearby. After the child reached the playschool age and the mother no longer needed me for child caring, she started being disruptive on contact.

I then took it to Court – the Courts were totally incapable of resolving the matter, and actually made the situation worse by fixing minimum arrangements that were less than I had been normally getting – totally ignored my proof of the mother lying; totally ignored proof of wrong statements by the CWO. Totally ignored photos, letters, gifts from my daughter as evidence of her wishes to see me. The Family Court is totally inadequate for dealing with these matters.

p6.5.7

I was married to a person that suffered with severe paranoia. The abduction was made by my former wife. J suffered with severe eczema, he stopped eating, became very thin and unhealthy. He did not develop physically to his full potential. I know this would not have happened to him, if he was allowed to see me more. After going through this experience – without any power to help him – I suffer with PTSD.

I think the so-called experts in this country have been indoctrinated with the teaching that the emotional attachment to the mother is the only aspect to consider. This completely out-of-date philosophy has – and continues – to hurt and seriously damage my sons. My sons are being stopped, against their wishes, from seeing me, much more than what is necessary. This terrible emotional abuse to them can only cause them to grow better towards their mother and society. How can they have any respect for the law, when society has abused them in this way, stopping them from seeing their father completely without any consideration for what they want and need.

p6.5.8

I have always been treated as a third class parent – by the institutions – individuals are, and have been, amazed by this bias! Basically the divorce/child-care industry is about 50 years behind the realities of contemporary relationships!

The Courts are very slow and inefficient/ineffective in divorce and child arrangements. The law is very ineffective with family matters! All parties act according to the mother’s wishes and feelings and not for the benefit of the child!!

p6.5.9

Ex’s mother has four children, runs off with another man, has four more, father of second four dies and they are put into care for 18 months at the ages of 10, 5 and 11 years. History is repeating itself in daughter.

Legal Aid messed about for ages.

Two Solicitors slow and not committed to my case.

Two Barristers not committed.

Eight months gap. Mark tells Court Conciliation Officer he would be happy to see me but stepfather wouldn’t like it. She then said he’s a bright boy and by seeing me it would cause him a lot of trouble at home, so I should walk away.

Female Circuit Judge tells me to walk away and "I certainly won’t reveal a women’s medical records" and refused two police statements and my employers statement containing strong facts to my case.

Male Judge says to my ex that poor little boy is going to remember what you have told him, nobody else. He then tells me, however, he has made up his mind and the fact is your son does not want to see you for whatever reason.

Threatened with five-year ban from going to Court by my own Barrister if I didn’t pull out.

Male Court Welfare Officer concealed facts of contact in front of [last word(s) illegible].

p7.1

Ex-wife lied constantly to CWO prior to residence hearing December 1994 – particularly over boyfriends involvement with kids. Judge called her a liar at hearing, but still handed residence to her. Boyfriend assaults kids (yes two weeks) later. (I’m on a suspended (two months) for previous assault on him.) She breaks Contact Order early January, back to Court and Social Services re his assault on kids. Another assault by him on kids April 1994. I re-apply for residence, Social Services in again, injunction taken out on him – kids now on At Risk register for "emotional abuse" (June 1995). Child Psychiatrist called in to assess kids and prepare Section 7 report for Court over residence – kids wishes to be taken into account!!! (at last). Further assault by boyfriend August 1995, back to Court as he’s broken undertaking not to do this – case dismissed as I did not fill out Affidavit correctly! Now at Court of appeal over this, child assessment starting next week – hope to have kids here by Christmas.

PS Court Welfare Officer a single mum herself!

• I could (I wish I could) write a book about events. I have been bogged down in legal proceedings and the Solicitors complaints process since 1983/1987 respectively, yet I have still not achieved the full terms of the 1985 Settlement Order.

• My first Solicitor sued me in High Court in August 1985 (one month after I dispensed with his services) for non-payment of fees. Ten years later, Solicitors Complaints Bureau upheld part of my complaint awarding me £400 (the action cost me £3,000 fees + £3,000 costs, but was not proved against me – my second Solicitor refused to represent me, and my brother, also a Solicitor, sent me to Court by myself with a prayer!!).

• The second Solicitor knew, but did not warn me, that first the Solicitor intended to sue. I complained to Solicitor’s Complaints Bureau, but negligence panel Solicitor "lost" documents until three-year period for negligence actions had passed – then found them again.

• Bureau tried to terminate complaints, but I appealed. In 1992, after five years, they decided to investigate, by which time second Solicitor had destroyed their files and Bureau has refused to take further action or explain the circumstances. They awarded me £300 compensation earlier this year. The legal services ombudsman is investigating, but I’m not holding my breath.

• Two other Solicitors were engaged to secure terms of 1985 Order. Both have failed to do so in peculiar circumstances. Neither recovered my file from second Solicitor (saving it from destruction) for reasons which strike me as being convenient for second Solicitor.

• One of those two Solicitors began enforcement proceedings in 1989, but then failed to ensure I saw former wife’s answering Affidavit before date of hearing, then backed out of attending me in Court, and has still failed to honour his promises to complete my financial business.

• Both of those two Solicitors were investigated by Bureau, found guilty of failing to carry out instructions and ordered to return proportion of fee. No disciplinary proceedings taken. Ombudsman involved and still investigating one case, but I’m not holding my breath.

• All Solicitors and Bureau have used their legal knowledge to protect themselves.

• I am now withdraw, friendless, and feel my life has been wasted, all for a divorce.

• It seems to me that the legal process must find someone to punish, even if the law prevents it from apportioning blame. I feel as if I am serving a prison sentence of unlimited duration.

(1) My ex-wife, as respondent, used every opportunity to advance her material gain. This involved manipulation, threats and tears, lies, deceit and prevarication.

No-one was free from this: our children were also willfully subjected to this abuse.

I had, at great financial costs, to drag my ex-wife to Court to finalise the divorce and financial settlement.

(2) Legal Aid was infringed and exploited. I had cause to complain (to no avail) to the Legal Aid Board.

(3) Concerns regarding the law:

(a) secrecy of the Courts;

(b) no rule of thumb guidelines;

(c) maintenance being discounted as income in hands of recipient for Legal Aid purposes;

(d) I doubt the merits of the accusatorial process, as applied to family law;

(e) no questioning as to the validity of spurious claims represented in Court;

(f) sham of no fault divorce.

p8.3

My wife came from South Africa and wanted to return. She developed an affair with a bachelor family friend, moved in on a holiday to South Africa, and didn’t come back except to negotiate. In 1992, by arrangement, my 10-year-old stayed in London until December 1992 when I took her back to South Africa, as agreed. She hated it, remained at Easter 1993 and refused to go back to South Africa. Custody battle came to Court in June 1994 when child, who had been happy – positive reports, Court app, social worker, school head, teachers, friends, yet Judge ordered her back to South Africa. No problem with visits/access but she will be 11 in November and just wants to live in UK, Ealing (copy letter enclosed).

Lawyers : Ealing - I paid £2,500 down, they quoted £2,500 more then charged £9,000 and took all money from a remortgage – £10,000 with no notice at all.

Complaints to Solicitors Complaints Bureau rejected. Now with ombudsman.

p9.1

I was badly advised by my Solicitor regarding custody in the first instance. Unknown to me it was vitally important that I did not agree to my ex having this. Subsequently she refused to allow me access and has succeeded through the Courts. Despite her having a private pension (from her first husband) she got Legal Aid and could afford two Barristers.

The whole question of Legal Aid to ex-wives should be thoroughly overhauled. I have also received no satisfactory results of my complaints to the following bodies:

(1) Solicitors Complaints Bureau (re: dirty tricks in contacting my present partner in secret) with regard to my ex-wifes Solicitor’s tactics).

(2) The Complaints Service of the Council for the Bar regarding counsels bullying tactics in the Court waiting room.

(3) The Legal Ombudsman regarding council for the Bar.

(4) The British Medical Association re: derogatory comments on my behaviour by the GP in a written medical on my wife’s health.

(5) The Court Welfare Officer (N T) biased pro-feminist report against my access.

(6) The Lord Chancellor’s Office re: Court confidentiality.

(7) The local MP regarding father’s rights.

p9.2

My wife became infatuated by a policeman and his wife. She began a lesbian relationship with the wife and wanted to spend more and more time with them. Looking back over the last two years of our marriage she spent much of the time trying to provoke me. She used violence against me on a number of occasions. She has been rehoused by the council in a furnished flat. Her policeman friend has tried to provoke me by using verbal abuse against my mother and telling my children to keep secrets from their mother and father.

I find it amazing that my wife has been granted a divorce and rehoused on her word only and it seems to me whatever I say is not believed and no-one wants to believe the man.

I have come to terms with the break-up of my marriage but I can’t come to terms with how easy it is for a woman to just get up and leave the family home with our children.

p9.3

After useless advice from lawyers, I dismissed them, and acted for myself with McKenzie friends.

I made complaints about:

• Solicitors

• CWOs

• Judges

which were all obstructed.

I also applied to the European Commission of Human Rights, Strasbourg, over the violation of Articles 6.1, 8.1, 8.2 and 14, amongst others.

I am now campaigning for changes in the law.

p9.4

This narrative refers to my first marriage which had a duration of 25 years, all but 11 days.

While my sons were young it was good, very good with only minor upsets. (See "date problems arose".) Once we had sorted out our "differences" on such subjects we managed to "rub along".

Big trouble started when my sons were young teenagers. They were in frequent trouble with the police, etc. Remember that I was away overseas flying for my living. Between trips I was constantly engaged sorting out the "troubles".

It emerged long after the divorce that it was the practice of my wife to allow my sons out "all night" – for reasons best known to herself. I was told by a family friend that she had been seeing someone else during my absences. I had suspected this for some years (due mainly to inexplicable minor infections, sex-related). I am a man of the World!

My sons have since told me of "mother" even letting them out during "the early hours" while I slept!

My wife was a teacher. Inevitably her Staff Room Peer Group consisted of three divorcees and a widow. It was all downhill from there on in!

She eventually took off to set up house with her "toy boy" (?). He shot through after about three months (I think she ran out of duty-free cigarettes and scotch!)

I managed to retain the home for my sons by way of remortgage although the Court did order me out.

I got my sons "back on the straight and narrow" and into University. They are each Phd. We are very close now.

This is, of course, all history yet it still has repercussions. I was (and still am) deeply shocked that a man could have put so much honest effort into bringing up his children and still taken a kicking from "our" law and State.

This is the sole reason why, when my second marriage showed the danger signs I was meticulous in recording and lodging with a Solicitor all that happened. It did me not one jot of good. I was denied "leave to defend".

p9.5

Please contact my wife if you need any contact. I can’t be available very often and hate to think about it/talk about it.

I stuck with my ex-wife because she threatened to stop me from seeing my children. I believed that the Children Act would make that impossible for her. My life was hell, apart from bullying, she spent £500 per month more than I earned and would not help out. I did the housework, cooking and weekend child care. She drained me of spirit, money, self-esteem and will to live. When I told her I wanted a divorce, she threw me out and told my employers she’d create a "breach of the peace" if I went near the house. I was ordered to stay away (by them) without a Court Order or her consent. Ten months passed before a Court ordered contact (no hearing) in July 1992. My ex-wife tried to run my wife down that summer. Since then she has breached all but one order. I have applied for enforcement repeatedly but without success. The Judge refused to enforce and even stated publicly that he never will. We have never had a full hearing.

Finance was dealt with by consent: I was advised to give her everything to placate her. I now have a Legal Aid supported negligence case against the Solicitor who advised me.

My employers have received several complaints of criminal behaviour (from my ex-wife) in which I have been fully and totally exonerated. Recently she accused my wife of fracturing my daughter’s skull by throwing her downstairs. (The child has never had a skull injury and my wife hasn’t seen her for over a year.) Despite my innocence, promotion is unlikely in the foreseeable future – they don’t want to promote people when they’re administrative burdens.

I have behaved "whiter than white": paying "over the odds", never criticising my ex-wife in front of the children and abiding by the law in every aspect.

She has moved twice and refused me her address, she is in the process of her third move and refuses to say where to; she barely speaks to me.

She refuses to give me her telephone number. Letters to the children are ripped up in front of them. The children are subjected to constant intense brainwashing about me and my wife. Court documents are read to them. Affidavits in finance were sent by her to my employers. The second CWO made it clear that she (ex-wife) was emotionally abusing the children but suggested the "scare" she’d had (my residence application) would stop it.

In spring, my ex-wife got a job and a boyfriend. Her parents dislike my sons, won’t baby-sit them, but they like my daughter (boyfriend likewise). Consequently she rang and said that she’d let me see my sons if I paid full CSA payments and didn’t claim for the "shared care". They now come virtually every weekend and most of school holidays. When they are with me she doesn’t telephone or write to them although I encourage them to write regularly to her. We can’t contact her except by post. They come with nothing.

Last May I applied to enforce the order in respect of my daughter (all three originally). The hearings were set and adjourned to Christmas. At Christmas the Judge refused to hear the case as my ex-wife said I could see her whenever I want (near her home, on my own, if my wife was

absent), although she has consistently ignored all letters requesting any/all contact. An order was made for contact "as agreed between us" – none has been. I appealed to the High Court. Official Solicitor was instructed. She instructed Child Psychiatrist. He saw me once only and my daughter in her mother’s presence. He reported that (mother) she is keen for contact, but anxious my wife would harm the child (but not my sons, it seems?). The child said she is terrified of my wife. (I have statements filed from a District Judge who knows us, saying how good my daughter’s relationship with my wife is.) He concludes that contact should be in mother’s presence or on her terms only. Absolutely no criticism is made of my ex-wife and he slates me and my wife severely. Me for being "negative" about my ex-wife, my wife over-anxious.

The Judge adjourned to April then took "unexpected" holiday, adjourned to July and again, at the last minute, adjourned the hearing for an "unexpected" holiday! It is now set for November. I’ve lost huge amounts of money, my promotion prospects and my daughter. My sons worry that they’ll lose me and want to live with me but are terrified of saying so to those who matter. My wife has lost her health. Stress is constant. What hope is there when Courts support viscious disturbed women ?

p9.6

Our divorce under Kenya law, based on pre-1960’s UK law was equitable. My ex kidnapped the children in 1989 to UK and it cost me £15,000 to overturn C’s ludicrous Judgements and return the children to Kenya (Re: G, May 1989, Balcome & Stocker, C of A London). We then agreed a settlement in writing in August 1989 to cover all aspects of money and children’s matters including the ex resettling to UK in 1991 with the children. Generous access and "shared residence" were agreed while the children were in Kenya. She moved in 1991 and the children started schooling in UK. They came out for two agreed holidays per annum and all went smoothly until 1994. The ex unilaterally withdrew my son from his agreed place at an esteemed public school and entered him into a less esteemed school against my total, vigorous objections from Kenya where I live. This was absolutely contrary to the joint custody provisions of our 1989 divorce agreement. I suggested (as I had openly done for some years) my son might prefer to complete his C Entrance at the private Kenya school he had attended and he told me the same. Writing this to my ex caused H of B to place the children in wardship in June 1994. I was not informed. I came to UK in late June to discuss the schooling. H accused me of child abduction and only after I arrived in UK did I find out my children were wards! In October 1994 my ex now tried to obstruct my agreed holiday access to the children (also ordered by High Court UK in September 1994) in return for "school fees and cash". Via UK Solicitors, I got them ordered out for December 1995, due to her blunder of blatant extortion. She tried, via B in March 1995 to obstruct their Easter access. I fired my lawyers, told her to keep the kids in wardship if she wanted and that I stood by my Kenya divorce agreement and would enter into no more legal matters whatsoever. My kids were allowed access for Easter. As I write she is trying, via H, the extortion all over again. The secrecy of the wardship proceedings, the fact not one single piece of written allegation against me was made (my file at the registry is "blank" – literally) and the case with which your system allows a lawful, loving father to be secretly, woundingly accused of ills, abduction, etc are symptomatic of a sick, corrupt system of stupid laws, bad Judges, inflammatory lawyers and parasitic welfare "experts", psychologists, etc. I thank God I live outside the UK, so I will just have to wait until my children are 18, see them freely and tell the truth then.

p9.7

Married in South Africa 1977 in my second year at medical school, aged 29, wife 23 – me South African, she British. Her stepfather with British Airways, got her (not me) cheap tickets for holidays in UK two or three times per year. Daughter born 1981, son 1984, both delivered by me.

Serious problems by then – her bizarre behaviour drove away all friends, offended neighbours, insulted my family who had supported us. Desperate to save marriage and, because I loved her, I took her to [illegible script] totally without warning [remainder of sentence illegible].

BEFORE divorce case, fearing she might lose custody when evidence from witnesses presented on her mental state, she took children and disappeared to UK while I was on hospital duty one night. I had no idea where she was for 10 months. Spent approximately £7,000 on private detectives. Her lawyer here withdrew, mine caused case to proceed. Divorce granted, "custody to be determined by an English Court".

She gets Legal Aid in UK, initiates custody case, fails to inform me case thrown out. I see children in 1988 and again in 1989, in exchange for money. She resumes custody bid, I’m refused Legal Aid despite hugely disadvantageous currency exchange rate.

Hearing set for May 1991; my hospital Superintendent writes to Court explaining he cannot, given six weeks notice, grant me leave to attend. Case postponed to August 1991, Mrs Justice Bracewell postpones for CWO reports; orders "reasonable access" for duration of my stay. Ex-wife refuses to allow me to see children, three ex-parte applications to Mr Justice Ewbank who warns her she is in contempt.

Court re-convenes April 1992. AM AGAIN given only six weeks notice; AGAIN hospital Superintendent writes to Court, explains same circumstances as before, postponement requested as previously granted but hear nothing.

Case goes ahead in my absence despite urgent objection and appeal delivered personally to Judge by FNF member. Ex-wife granted custody but will not even allow me to speak to children via telephone to wish them a happy birthday or Merry Christmas and we now have NO contact at all. Great British Justice, an example to the world.

p9.8

I have sole custody of a five-year-old son from previous marriage. When I started new relationship, after birth of second child, the mother became increasingly jealous of my first son. She physically and verbally abused him for one year before attempting to kill him one night by pushing him head-first down the stairs. Police were called but, despite confirmation of events by the child himself, no charges were made. Partner left house with the police and younger son (one-year-old) and immediately moved 200 miles away. She has since made access extremely difficult. She now denies ever touching my older son, and when I have asked Social Services to keep an eye on the health of younger son, I have been not believed and accused of trouble-making.

In Courts at present, but despite: (1) her violence toward a four/five-year-old, and (2) my own history of bringing up a child alone since age one; I have not been able to establish proper contact with my younger son. This also means the two children (half-brothers) cannot see each other either.

p9.9

[The version I wrote by hand is probably fairly illegible, I thought I’d put it in print for you instead.]

All your questions relate to events of years back – I continue to pay an FNF sub because it’s an admirable organisation, but now my daughters are grown up they decide for themselves about visiting me and these legal issues no longer affect me directly. Because the matters are rather out of date, I can’t easily retrieve some of the figures you ask for. If you really would like more information, contact me and I’ll try to dig it out for you. But I honestly believe my case was so unusual that it would not help your campaign much.

My wife was the daughter of a very rich and very eccentric American, and rather eccentric herself. The marriage was always tense and, after 11 years, I couldn’t cope any more. Naively I believed that if I moved out, she and I could amicably agree to us both having plenty of contact with our daughters (there was no "other woman" to create jealousy). Instead, she used denial of access to the children as a device to punish me for leaving her. First she span out the divorce process over several years, in order to postpone the making of a legal access order (eg she would routinely leave her own lawyer’s letters unanswered for many weeks on end to slow things down); and she did things like fixing up exciting trips and activities, foreign holidays, and giving the girls pets, knowing that these things would clash with my access, at a stage when they were too young to realise what was going on. Then, after the divorce finally went through and I was granted a reasonable access order, she just ignored it (and my lawyer explained that if the mother doesn’t respect the law, in practice it can’t be enforced so it was pointless to go back to the Court and complain). She set out to create legal quarrels out of nothing: for instance, when her lawyer first proposed a figure for child maintenance, I got mine to write back offering a higher figure, but instead of accepting it she then demanded a higher figure still in the hope that I would dig my heels in and fight (but I just agreed to pay).

There was a lot of underhand stuff about money which she was able to get away with because her own money was outside UK jurisdiction and in a discretionary trust, making it "invisible" to the law. When our house was sold she led me (and her own lawyer) to understand that we would split the proceeds 50/50 and we both bought houses for ourselves, and then she refused for a year or more to sign a release of the proceeds, so that I was effectively paying two mortgages at once; when she did eventually discuss releasing them she demanded more than half, and I was so desperate to reduce my debt that I had to agree. She found a way of getting the Inland Revenue to repay her several thousand pounds of income tax which she had paid some years before and demand it from me instead, and I had to pay although it seemed to me (and to her own accountant) that in moral terms it was her debt rather than mine. (She represented herself to the Court as very poor, yet immediately after the divorce she bought two houses, and a little later she bought a second car.) By the time of the divorce, her own lawyer was finding her so difficult that he seemed to be almost conspiring with my lawyer to get her to resolve matters; and my lawyer, who specialised in divorce, told me after the business was over that it was the worst one she had dealt with.

However, I would say that none of the awful things that happened were the fault of our law. The Welfare Officer, and the Judge, were very reasonable and fair. My ex-wife was always a law unto herself, and her background enabled her effectively to thumb her nose at English law as she had throughout the time we lived together (eg early in our marriage she took a British driving test, failed, but just carried on driving anyway). It would have been much better if the law had had a presumption in favour of joint custody and more equal access than was usual in those days, but even if it had she would have defeated it.

p9.10

My divorce was quite frankly a fairly painless process with my wife admitting the breakdown was her fault. Even the cost of Solicitors fees, etc were not as excessive as expected. The problems came with contact with my children which I wished to continue on a regular basis but my wife obviously found was a nuisance and an intrusion into her life and new marriage. To the extent that she stopped my access to the children against the Court Order that was laid down and with the confidence and experience to know that with her confident and manipulative communication ability she could stop my contact indefinitely – which she did manage for four years. During this time I found both the Family Courts Division and the Court Welfare System very reluctant to grant me anything regarding contact or support with regard to my children. I have this year managed to strike up contact with my kids. They want to know why I did not see them for so long.

p9.11

I have enclosed copies of the facts read to the Judge by myself when in Court on 9th August 1995. Whilst the Judge listened, he was only intent on dealing with the Court Order issued in March 1995 that the matrimonial home be placed on the market, sold and the equity (approximately £60,000) be divided 60/40 in ex-wife’s favour. I feel this is totally unjust. From the notes attached, you will see and understand more fully why!

Yours sincerely

K K

p9.12

I have been married for eight years during which time my wife’s attitude and temper towards me got worse and worse, constantly putting me down in front of people and using threats of divorce to get what she wanted. I often worked 18 hours a day to provide for my family through difficult financial times, during which I received no help or encouragement from my wife who saw any financial difficulties as "not my problem".

Divorce finally came as a great relief. Unfortunately after separation, and even before, she decided to use the children to blackmail me for money and other matters. I had to borrow what for me was a large sum to give to my wife in order to see the kids. She told me that once she got the money there would be no problem over the access. Of course, once she got the money she changed her mind, gradually whittling away the access, and now seeking to ban me from seeing the kids altogether. The lesson is, do not give into blackmail, at the first hint of trouble over access, go to the Courts, you cannot win with a vindictive person.

p9.13

Since November 1985, I have had no contact with my children then aged four years and seven years. I have made several applications in the E County Court over the 10-year period. All have failed because the children do not want to see me.

Welfare Reports have not encouraged the children to see me or my parents (now deceased).

I have recently learnt that my former wife and her co-habitee (stepfather to my children) have separated and he is applying for contact to his children by her. Meanwhile she alleges that my elder daughter (17) has been made pregnant by him and that he physically abused my younger daughter (aged 14). Their hearing will be at W on 25th September 1995.

c1.1

Initial relationship a revival of an old, problematic one – partner wanted "new start", I was ambivalent. She got pregnant instantly and former mental health problems re-emerged, meaning I need to take care of children and vicious cycle of the relationship re-emerged.

We had a rota of child care, allowing my partner to be involved to the extent possible. As her health improved, she sought to increase her care with my full approval until it was roughly 50/50. Mounting resistance on my part beyond that culminated in her flight to France with children. Her "custody" confirmed despite presentation of her case. Initial traumas, over the last five years things have settled more. Her care proved OK, children and I have about as much contact as physical distance allows, but at cost of c50% of my net salary. Only slight residual conflict now, although neither kids nor I accept initial departure. Had law been fair, I’d have won custody but more important, had not mother been confident that she would win, she would not have fled and all of us would still be living close enough together for children to have both parents, for she was well established – job, house, etc here.

c1.2

Access to the kids was OK for about two years. Then reduced to "Saturdays only" which involved a 400-mile drive.

Dragged the case through Courts with many reports submitted. Ex-wife had penal notices served on her but still no action taken when these were flouted. Courts were in MT and A. This local Welsh community did not like English people in it (me and family) and could not/would not take me seriously. My local MP, Tim Boswell (Tory), not at all interested either.

My case was used by FNF to demonstrate Parent Alienation Syndrome. I am happy "to be used" as an example of how men lose, through no fault of their own, access to their kids.

My parents aged 68 and 70 and grandmother, 92 years old, have not seen kids for about seven years. Another tragic part of this subject.

Good luck with the survey.

c1.3

About two years after the divorce, I found out from one of my ex-wife’s friends that my ex-wife had been having an affair while we were married and that it had been because of the other man that she had left me. I had no idea of this at the time.

After the divorce I remained friends with my ex-wife and, for the next couple of years, I enjoyed a good relationship with my daughter. However, once I remarried in 1989, my ex-wife made it clear she would make the contact I had with L as difficult as possible, after a Contact Order and three Court cases. I have had to give my daughter up to stop her from being used against me.

c1.4

A short marriage which was effectively a "Gene Snatch". Spouse probably never wanted to marry but wanted to provide grandchild. As child was just seven months old at time of separation it was not really possible for father to have custody – but the Court Welfare Officer was very sympathetic to my case.

Ex-wife was hostile through 1986-93 when contact worked up to a point. She claimed that contact induced asthma attacks in the child.

In 1993 she alleged child threatened suicide to avoid contact and High Court in London, June 1993 (Judges Kirkwood and Hamilton) stopped contact pending reports. Child represented by Official Solicitor and Psychiatrist recommended contact should resume and this was agreed in a Court ruling in November 1993.

Child refused to resume visits in May 1994, and refused to see Court Psychiatrist. Seems little point at this stage in returning to Court. I am trying to persuade the school to give information on education but having problems: Grandfather is on Board of Governors.

I write letters to boy which I believe are received. I have always paid financial dues.

c1.5

Enclosed is a copy of my letter sent to Messrs Major, Ashdown, Blair and local MP, Mr Fishburn. Also Mrs Thatcher.

If I can be of any more help in any way, please feel free to contact me.

NB: I now have to work evenings and some weekends to afford seeing my children and having holidays. My employers forbid this, but I have to, for the money.

(1) Having accepted the inevitability of divorce when my ex-wife said she wanted to live with her new lover, I agreed to leave the matrimonial home in return for selling my equity share to the correspondent. I expected that the three children would continue to see me on a mutually arranged basis.

(2) Within a short time my ex-wife made access increasingly difficult by imposing petty conditions and expressing her hostility to me in front of the children. This became worse when I met and courted my present wife whom my ex-wife forbade the children to meet. She caused a disgraceful scene in front of my youngest child in September 1981, since when I have not seen either of my two younger children despite writing to them regularly until they were each 21.

(3) My eldest son kept in touch with me in face of his mother’s hostility, but suffered a mental breakdown in 1986 and was sectioned. He has now recovered and has completed his first year at university. We have a normal, happy father/son relationship and he is fond of my present wife.

(4) In retrospect my first marriage was doomed to failure and it would have ended sooner if I had realised the possibility of happiness outside it.

c1.7

My other son, John, lives with his mother, my former common law wife. I also paid for him during my marriage until he left school and found work.

I have applied for a Contact Order to see my other three children: I have not seen them for over a year. My former wife objects to me seeing them alone, which is a total reversal from her previous stance. Her objections, whatever they are, will be heard in Court. It will be news for me also.

c1.8

Left family home May 1994 after intolerable circumstances. Blame myself 50% for breakdown. Wife does not take any blame.

Not yet divorced. Voluntary payment of £100 per week for children’s maintenance and mortgage payments. Left car and contents all at family home. Pressure from wife to sell her the family home (my half) below value.

Can understand practical access of twice a week adequate. Would like children to sleep over more often. Not allowed.

Would like to take children on holiday. Not allowed on basis children do not want to. Doubt this explanation.

Relationship with wife deteriorating because of house selling situation and lack of child access.

c1.9

Contact with my daughter has, in general, given the constraints of distance (70 miles) and her age at separation (three years), been generally what could have been expected. Difficulties, antagonism and interference in the lives of myself, my new partner and my daughter have occurred around significant occasions in my life subsequent to separation: buying a new house; meeting a new partner; getting married; expecting another child. Other difficulties: as an unmarried father realising on separation that I had no legal relationship with my daughter – parental rights and responsibilities were later gained by Court Order with some (but not implacable) resistance from my daughter’s mother.

The tedium, not to mention expense, accompanied by inevitable parting of 140-mile round-trip train journeys to fetch/deliver my daughter somehow do not lessen even after nine years repetition. Continual frustrations at not being able to get the school to forward me information, reports, etc. However, our relationship (mine with my daughter) has survived to prove that efforts to whatever length to this end must always be worthwhile.

(1) I feel that the law should require a petitioner to prove any claim they make about unreasonable behaviour on the part of the respondent, whether the respondent chooses to contest the grounds for divorce, OR NOT. In what other judicial process is action taken purely on the basis of unproven allegations?

(2) Because I owned a second house (which I originally bought before I even met my former wife!), the amount of capital transferred to my wife on our divorce exceeded the equity in the matrimonial home! I feel that only the matrimonial home should be divided, and other property should remain with the original owner.

(3) The levels of child maintenance I pay are only possible because I have remained in the professional employment I had before my divorce. It would be impossible to move to a similar job and so I feel that my former wife should not be allowed to take the children so far away (350 miles) that I can only see them three times a year.

Sorry I have left some questions unanswered. I hope this is of some help.

c2.2

Despite giving my wife virtually everything, I am continually hounded by the CSA for alleged arrears and they do not respond to my letters or phone calls – it is a continuing nightmare which seems never to end. They are inept and have no thought for the consequences of their actions.

Also, they victimise employees because it is easy to assess and get the money by attachment of earnings. My new partner cannot get any maintenance because her ex-husband is self-employed and hides his income too well.

The Courts have no desire or power to prevent a mother from stopping the children from seeing their father. There need to be a lot of changes. They say they need to consider the children’s needs but it seems they never consider that they may be better off with their father.

c2.3

Spouse went back to work p/t and developed other interests – including a relationship with a married colleague (whose wife was ultimately pregnant). This relationship was questioned in Court but obviously denied – guess what! – they are now living in my ex’s house together with a negligible mortgage. Vast majority of marital settlement used as a deposit. He even blames me for his marriage breakdown because I informed his pregnant wife!

Spouse deceived/lied about personal circumstances, altogether a very messy divorce with nasty consequences.

I will get my revenge ultimately, of that I am determined!

c2.4

Dear Sirs

When a woman leaves a man with the children and the man is expected to go out and get a living and still run the house, shopping and housework, and the woman can still ask for half of the assets, I find this very strange. I have asked my ex-wife to accept £77,000 less the car she stole and approximately £4,500 she took in cash and all my saving books and the children’s savings, approximately £48,000 in total, but she still does not agree. I have been to Court and got an injunction on all the monies she took which are now with Solicitors and I am still being told she can still get half the value of the house which I live in with my children. If I, the man, was to have left and it went to Court I would not be able to have any monies awarded to me and I would still have to provide for my ex-wife and the children until they were 18 years old.

c2.5 (1 of 3)

I approach matters differently now to one year previously and have "laissez faire" attitude hoping (unfortunately through Courts) that true circumstances will be recognised. Sadly they do not appear to have been on contact issues.

I have taken contact issues to Court and have had to apply for ancillary relief having had, what I believed, a realistic offer constantly disputed. Rule 2.63 has been applied which also details my financial support to ex-wife and H to £45K in 3½ years (apart from clean break offer). I seem to be continually writing to different persons in the CSA and have written and had meetings with MP in House of Commons – the attached summary (basic detail) is attached for my reference in Court.

Please call if you wish to speak to me.

[A letter follows :]

c2.5 (2 of 3)

Wednesday 12th July 1995

On 19.8.93 this left me with a Pension valued at £12,619.00 and Canada Life Assurance Policy valued at £1,260.00 (both in trust for H if I die) - note Ms K has Pension value of £7,233.66.

c2.5 (3 of 3)

Signed: ___________________

c2.6

As a professional person with regular employment I was easy meat for the legal process: I never wanted to divorce but, faced with it, I dearly wanted custody so that the children could continue to enjoy the environment in which they had been growing up.

The result was that I was evicted from my home even though it was a requirement for my job: all of the marital capital went to my ex-wife. I was left with a bank overdraft and no home. But still expected to pay maintenance: my children were taken to live 100 miles away and I have not been able to know them: I have no continuing legal interest in the marital capital which is now shared with another man (co-habitee). I am still required, by law, to maintain a 17-year-old, a 20-year-old and a 23-year-old. All three appear to have struggled academically and none wishes to see me.

c2.7

The marriage was like "war and peace" but much longer. My wife was often out with other men and I had a terrible time living with a depressive and someone who seemed to hate me. It annoyed me that people always spoke of the problem for women with post natal depression, but no-one ever mentioned all the difficulties a man had to put up with. I was very lucky I did not lose my house and my business. However, during the time of the Social Services investigation, the tax office decided to investigate me. So I would go from a Social Services case conference about how badly my children were being treated and neglected, then on to a tax office investigation who accused me of stealing £100,000 from my business – and all I wanted to do was jump out of the nearest window. In the end I had to negotiate a settlement with the tax office, so I gave half my assets to my ex-wife and the other half to the tax office. I am now left with 100% remortgaged house, and loans and overdrafts of £15,000 and tax bills for another £10,000 – but I’ve saved one daughter!

I have still all of the shell of a successful life – but it’s empty. I have had help from au pairs to look after the children, but I wish I had more time to concentrate on making my own application for a Residence Order for E (I can’t afford Solicitors any more) – because she is still not properly looked after – she is not fed and clothed properly. She is covered in bruises – her mum’s boyfriend treats her badly, calling her a bitch and a slag. Her mum tells her that I don’t want her and if she doesn’t behave she will send her to me. I do want her, but it takes time, and I don’t know all that happens at her mum’s house or have any proof. Since separation, ex-wife has had two children:

(1) K – fetal alcohol syndrome?

(2) K – six weeks premature, born 5/8/95 at 3 lb.

SAD!

c2.8

Due to my job being made redundant in the north west, my company moved me to the south east. We lived in Sussex and my job intensified, less time for her, she says. I left that job after she came to me and complained that she never saw me because of work. The next day I gave three months notice, enough time to get a low-key job, I thought. Within one week I had an interview in the north west. I gained a third and final interview for a job that would take us back to the north west and provide an income that suited us. The night before my final interview I found out that she was having an affair. I was devastated. This was December 1992. I failed at the interview but did get work in the south again. She still wanted to move. So, in May 1994, I sold the house and asked her to go north and choose a house of her own to settle the children and when I found work in the north I would follow. She went cold. I was under too much pressure from her. My children suffered her screaming fits, so I suggested the best thing for all would be to part. She agreed.

In August 1994 she moved into her chosen house. I paid for all the expenses and signed a joint mortgage and paid all the bills until January 1995 when she returned to work. I now pay half the mortgage, £112 per month and pay half for my children’s clothes as well as £190 per month for my children’s keep. She has all the furniture and goods including a car, her own income, my children and income from me. Oh, and also the free-loading boyfriend. I live in a rented room in Essex about 10 ft x 10 ft and travel up to Cheshire (260 miles) at my own expense to see my children every two weeks. I now seek a settlement to enable me to get my own house and rebuild my life and see more of my children.

The saga and costs continue.

c3.1

Court process is long drawn out and very certainly biased.

The whole process has taught me that you should be tougher than I was. I was always compromising (appeasing!) in order not to make it harder on the children or on my/children’s relationship. Such compromise was always abused.

I made a foolish mistake financially which the Courts will not allow me to forget. The original maintenance order was for 12 months – then she should have found work. I agreed to a further four years so she could take a law (!!) degree. Seven years later (!) the Courts refused to put a cap on the number of years because, after all, "she is getting older and it’s hard to get work in Solicitors these days". Through an act of misguided generosity I now face paying to her until one of us dies.

c3.2

I didn’t want my second marriage to end. If my wife had been able to talk about how she felt and if I had been more understanding I’m sure we could have worked it out.

My wife left about four weeks after I lost my mum. I felt it was too much to take. If we could have had proper counselling it might have helped. My new partner wants us to get married when her divorce comes through but I’m not too sure as there is a big age gap and, thanks to my second wife, I am not able to have any more children. My second wife has forced me to nearly financial ruin. By the time the CSA have finished, God knows what will happen. Yes, I am very bitter. I love my second wife but, most of all I love my two small children. But my mental state can’t handle it. In time, maybe, but not yet.

c3.3

I have paid the mortgage religiously and now the CSA are demanding £2,500 arrears + £272 per month. This is a nightmare.

c3.4

After many years of unhappiness, my marriage finally split up at the beginning of December 1994, following two previous attempts by me to end the marriage by leaving in December 1993 and May 1994. Each of the two previous occasions I returned to the marriage because of my feelings of guilt towards the two children. Following my departure, my wife severely restricted the occasions and type of contact I had with the children. Despite a conciliated agreement through the Family Mediation Service, I finally had to go to Court to get "reasonable" contact. At the moment this is seven hours on a Saturday. I still feel that this is unreasonable in the long term and may have to return to Court shortly. Financially, I am now in debt with no way of seeing how this can be resolved. This has put strains on my new relationship and these financial pressures have directly contributed to the difficulty I have had in gaining access to my children. My wife originally demanded £1,000 per month in maintenance from me which is over 80% of my take-home pay. Since leaving the matrimonial home, my necessary outgoings have increased and, because I pay voluntary maintenance, my income tax has increased. All of these problems have made the break-up of the marriage much more difficult for my children to come to terms with.

c3.5

I meet my ex-partner at college – both doing BA degrees in Cheltenham 1990-93.

I receive a grant but take out Students Loans from the Government.

I go to Reading University to train as a teacher. In 1994 I take out a further Government loan – total approximately £2,500 (a typical amount for most students).

We decide to have a child (born just after starting my job). I get a teaching job in Hereford. The relationship breaks down, my partner leaves home. The relationship deteriorates, I am refused contact, go to Court three times, and now have an interim Contact Order for one hour per month – slowly increasing until a final hearing in December 1995.

My partner demands £50 per week maintenance or will report me to the CSA. I do not have this amount and await hearing from the CSA who will take £47 per week. If this happens, I may have to give up my job – the Government having paid for me to be trained. I would have to give up my car – contact as laid down in the Court Order would stop.

In other words, because the CSA has no regard for:

(1) payments made to the Students Loans Company,

(2) Legal Aid contributions,

(3) bank loans taken out when I set up home,

(4) the fact my partner left home,

(5) the interim Contact Order – dates, times, etc

the implications would be:

(1) I wouldn’t see my daughter at all – she lives 45 miles away, at least it would mean a return to Court, as the present Order relies on my having transport.

(2) Having just been trained by the Government as a teacher, I would be better off on the dole! – thereby not having to repay student loans, Legal Aid.

(3) My partner left our home and I have very little relationship with my daughter. She (ex-partner) is on income support and is supported by a wealthy family.

Doesn’t seem to be putting my child first to say the least!

c4.1

My wife left me for another man after my daughter was born. I had had no other relationships. She did not work. I was financially responsible for everything and she left me with nothing but debt and financial responsibility.

I was driven to the point of suicide by this. I have now recovered and have a generally happy and successful life unsupported in any way by the Government whose lack of understanding of the circumstances mirrored my pain and hardship beyond all measure.

c4.2

The reason the divorce was based on adultery, was because it was the quickest way out of a very poor situation, therefore I grasped it with both hands.

Since the divorce, I have had to approach the Court again, at my expense, to have my payments reduced from £360 to £330, the CSA promptly changed all that by chasing me for £387, a figure I could not afford.

I wrote to my MP (John Major), who wrote to Miss Ann Chant of the CSA, who sent me a letter basically telling me how wonderful the CSA were. I have been extremely vociferous in my campaign for justice with the CSA.

My present problem is that I lost my last job owing to the severe pressure from the CSA, fortunately I have found another, with a 30% reduction in salary. My ex-wife still brainwashes my children. I cannot approach the Court again as, not only can I not afford a Solicitor, even if I win and the Order is enforced. What do I do, drag my children kicking and screaming into the street? There has to be a way out of this situation.

c4.3

The whole business is very sad and emotionally and financially draining.

In the first few months of my divorce, I lost my then newish job entirely due to an inability to work.

The loss of my children and home are still part of my everyday thoughts after six years. I have not been able to devote myself to re-establishing my career or my personal life because I still feel, and indeed I am still mourning, my losses. Maintaining contact has been terrible. I am not entirely convinced that fortnightly contact followed by driving them back to their mother’s house in order to give them back is the way forward for the hurt party.

In my opinion, joint custody should mean that. I believe full-time care should be accorded each parent, ie six months at a time with access to the other parent.

c4.4

Total assets were about £225,000. My Barrister advised a Calderbank that would give my ex £150,000 plus £600 per month maintenance, even though my daughter lived with me. I didn’t agree – argued with my Solicitor for four hours. Advised "if only to protect you from costs". He refused to let me see the Barrister again. In Court, Barrister opened up the Calderbank. I knew I was looking at another year fighting. Advised me I had to pay maintenance to ex-wife not just the children. Said I could be ordered to pay £1,000 per month maintenance and I could take a new mortgage for £900 per month. That would leave me £200 per month to live on!

Ex-wife claimed she needed £150,000 to buy house. Then days after hearing finds almost new luxury four-bedroom house for £125,000. Said it needed refurbishment. My Solicitor said I couldn’t challenge it and had to wait six months to give her a chance to prove she had done the repairs. He now denies this.

After paying legal bill, I will be left with £50,000 equity in the house.

I am referring this to the Solicitors Complaints Bureau and the Bar Council but, because I have been so ill, I haven’t been able to cope and they may now not look at my complaint.

c5.1

For a loving father who has never done anything wrong or been in trouble with the police before, the allegations that:

(1) I kicked my two-year-old daughter in the back

(2) I took photos of my eight-year-old daughter naked

(3) Exposed myself to her

(4) Put my hand in her crotch.

My home was raided and thoroughly wrecked looking for child sex pornography that didn’t exist!

Police came to my place of work and arrested me!

Placed in a police cell for the first time in my life aged 50!

Charged and brought up before Magistrates who wanted to put me in a Bail Hostel!

Banned from seeing my children or going anywhere near them until the trial!

Questioned for two hours by N Wales police, including my sex life and the length of my penis!

Police totally convinced I am guilty because my daughter (well rehearsed) says I am!

Placed in the dock and facing years in prison!

Thoughts of murder and suicide!

Having to tell these disgusting things to my vicar (character witness), my friends at church, relations and employers. Had support from all of them.

Now a devastated man. Recluse. Cannot make a close relationship with women. Lost my children. Unable to fight as I can’t win without hurting the children.

c5.2

Marriage was dominated by wife "strong will and severe nature". Major decisions relating to starting a family, renewing furniture or cars, items of importance were not shared. The whole relationship geared to benefit a wife with a materialistic oriented philosophy. Continued strain and commitments brought about difficulties eight years ago – sorted to a point at the time by Marriage Guidance but by friends in the Church. The root problem of no genuine affection, with continued pressure on both sides. The final marriage breakdown was caused by wife having designs on her boss at work – again geared toward self-improvement. (In time this has not worked out) being the Respondent, I have lost everything I worked for, a dream home I loved, two children I dote over, a business I ran for 15 years and its income.

Respondent now lives in a rented bed-sit, is currently seeking income support owing to continued harassment from the Child Support Agency. Respondent has no car, has worked over the last year for a food company, has not any fixed income being self-employed and is not entitled to unemployment benefit. Due to the Respondent’s kind and honest nature – has lost everything – not knowing the legal system or how Solicitors work, has been a very dissatisfactory experience, one year hence and wrathful!

c5.3

I don’t know where to start. This questionnaire has angered me and I don’t feel like bringing up any more painful memories.

Sorry!

c5.4

Since successfully obtaining an uncontested divorce on the grounds of my (violent) unreasonable behaviour, my ex-wife has understandably concluded that the failure of our marriage was entirely my fault. I now regret not pre-empting her petition with my own. As a man supporting a non-working wife with two young children, I was fully aware that fault had little bearing on the outcome financially. What I failed to see was that, by so freely admitting blame (which I did, indeed was accustomed to doing as a means of preserving the inertia of objective discussion), I would make her arrogant and self-righteous for years to come!

The Child Support Agency have now created a situation where my two young children are being de-briefed each Saturday evening so as to find out how much overtime I work each week. My ex-wife then supplies the CSA with these valuable nuggets. I expect that I should play my part and reveal details of her cash employment (she’s on income support) thereby playing their Machiavellian game. Unfortunately I don’t feel malicious enough – yet! Is this what life was meant to be like, please?

c5.5

Having read through my answers, it would seem as if my divorce was plain sailing and left no scars. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I was left with a huge sense of failure and shame at being divorced (we were practising Catholics), and a great sadness that the family unit had broken down.

Since the divorce, my children and myself have got closer and closer and my ex-wife has behaved abominably towards her children (not the two who live with her). Since she has re-married this has got worse. I did not think she was capable of such cruelty and selfishness (to the children).

I do not think our family will ever really get over the divorce/family break-up, etc.

c5.6

Marriage is a controlling factor used to stabilise a society, implemented by religion or the State.

I’m happy to be single and would like to father more children.

I’d like to reverse the current male/female family role for the next five years to enable my ex-wife to feel like a "second-class citizen" as I feel now.

Then my daughter could choose between her equal parents.

c5.7

I find it extremely difficult to fill this in or get involved in FNF. The most distressing factor is how my wife conditions my daughter (eg she is not allowed to get excited and run to me – the door opens exactly at collection time, etc, etc, etc) and wants to exclude me from her life (asking school to ban me, trying to change her name). I am often distressed or anxious due to my inability to effect any change, be able to stop my ex-wife doing the horrible things she does. I would like to fight for men’s rights but am unable to, due to the unreasonable nature of my problems; and also the very many injustices I have endured. My ex-wife appears to have all she wanted, but I surmise due to her guilt (Catholic upbringing) she is spurred on.

c5.8

Started going out with this girl and, before I knew it, she was expecting a baby. I sold my flat and bought a three-bedroom house for us to live in but the council had given her a two-bedroom flat which I did not know about. I later sold the house and moved in with her but things got so bad I had to move out. In the meantime, the second baby came along.

The older child lives with her grandmother as she could not cope with two children. That was to be only temporary but has lasted since 1989. To explain everything would take too long to write and too painful to go over it again.

Sorry.

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